If the title didn’t get this point across to you, then I’m going to make it perfectly clear: you *have* to have a sense of humor if you want any hope of enjoying this movie. The film is blatantly tongue-in-cheek with acting only half a notch above that of a Troma film. Is it very scary? Maybe if you’re psychologically terrified of clowns, but otherwise, no, not really. It’s much too funny to be scary.
A bunch of college kids (honestly, do their names really matter?) are having some fun at the local make-out point when a shooting star passes by and lands in the near by woods. A pair go to check things out and discover a circus tent in the middle of nowhere. However, it’s no ordinary circus tent. A horde of bizarre Klowns come crawling out from within, using lasers to turn people into cotton candy cocoons. The kids attempt to warn the townsfolk of the impending danger, but as you can probably deduce, no one believes them. Which sucks for everyone in town, as the Klowns quickly invade and start transforming everybody into delicious treats.
There isn’t really much of a plot involved with this film outside of “evil Klowns eat people”. It’s basically one clown-related gag after another, stringed-along by a few regular horror film stereotypes filling in the gaps. And really, all you *want* to see out of this film is Klowns brutalizing people using various circus methods. And you get plenty of that. I’m particularly fond of the “imaginary car” bit and the man-eating shadow puppets. However, easily the best moment in the film, and possibly the closest this flick gets to “scary”, is when one of the Klowns transforms the corpse of a police officer into a ventriloquist dummy. An excellent moment of genuine horror in a movie that’s 90% dark comedy.
The Klowns are the real draw of the film, as they’re all pretty nasty-looking. You’ll pull your hair out at how stupid the cast of human beings in this film are. I mean, if you heard strange, unearthly noises coming from within a dumpster would *you* stick your head inside to investigate? I should hope not. There are a lot of stupid gags in this movie accentuated by a cast of annoying irritants, so really all you’re going to get here is the Klown violence. For the most part, it’s pretty creative. They use popcorn as seeds for little piranha Klown monsters, crazy-straws to suck the blood out of the cotton candy cocoons or balloon animals to sniff-out prey. It’s all pretty entertaining.
The production values range from “pretty good” to “was this filmed in a parking lot?” The costumes and set designs are wonderfully cheesy, and the part with the giant “King Klown” at the end is actually rather well done. However, most of the finale within the Klown’s spaceship has blatantly been filmed within a warehouse or a parking lot. I swear, I can see the parking space lines on the concrete if I look hard-enough.
If you can stomach B-movies that are self-aware that they’re B-movies, then you’ll probably get a kick out of Killer Klowns from Outer Space. If you’re looking for something scary and, well, *good*…then you’ve come to the wrong place.
Grade: C+
Ghostbusters II
Ghostbusters II tends to be the source of much criticism from fans. Some say they didn’t like it because of the pacing, some say it was the story, others say the villain, yet the most common explanation I hear as to why so many dislike the film is “Because it wasn’t as good as the original”. I have to say, that answer always strikes me as being a bit unfair. The original Ghostbusters is one of the finest comedies ever made, many can agree on that, and trying to trump it with a sequel just wasn’t going to happen.
5 years after the battle with Gozer, the Ghostbusters have been forced out of business thanks to a series of class-action lawsuits. Making ends meet in their own individual fashions, the Ghostbusters are brought back together when their former client, Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver), asks them to investigate a strange happening involving her infant son, Oscar. Peter (Bill Murray), immediately dedicates himself to solving Dana’s problem in a bid to win back her affection, as Ray (Dan Aykroyd), Egon (Harold Ramis) and Winston (Ernie Hudson) get back in the paranormal investigation-game. It would appear that Vigo the Carpathian, a warlock and tyrant from ancient times, is trapped within a portrait in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (also Dana’s workplace) and intends to resurrect himself through Oscar. The Ghostbusters gear-up for a big comeback, as legions of evil spirits once again invade New York City.
I won’t argue that Ghostbusters II is inferior to the original, but I won’t overreact like so many others and label it a “bad movie”. Ghostbusters II is still funny, well-acted, has great special effects and lots of awesome monsters. The full cast reunion is a wonderful thing, as everyone, even Louis (Rick Moranis) and Janine (Annie Potts) are brought back for another round. None of the actors have lost any of their comedic talent and still play off one another as brilliantly as they did in the original. The humor in this film is fantastic, and really, is the least of the film’s problems. Most people don’t knock Ghostbusters II for the humor since it really is very funny.
As a villain, Vigo is a bit lackluster and at times can feel like a retread of Gozer the Traveler. The final battle with Vigo is also a remarkable let-down. But, while Vigo may not have been the best ghost in the movie, there are plenty of others to keep you from getting bored. The special effects this time around were provided by ILM, the Star Wars-people, which means absolutely brilliant quality. The Scalari Bros are a great example of the special effects used on the ghosts to make them look more convincing than the ones from the first film. Slimer, who returns for this film, also looks fantastic, though he’s gained quite a bit of weight between the two films. The kid in me just can’t get enough Slimer. Like the first film, the ghosts and horror effects can range from “goofy” (but in a good way) to down-right dark and gothic. I found the scene in the subway tunnel with all the severed heads mounted on spikes to be particularly nasty for a movie so often advertised as a “family film”. And, in regards to Vigo, while he may not have been such a great badguy, he at least looked cool thanks to some great special effects which gave him this weird, bluring “after image” effect.
One of my personal major complaints with the film is the almost criminal under-use of Winston. On many occasions, the script seems to go out of its way to exclude him from scenes. While he was a well-developed characted in the animated series, in the films, he’s a bit of a third wheel. You never find out what he did to make ends meet in the 5 year interim (save for doing birthday gigs with Ray on the side) and he’s not only completely missing from the street-digging sequence, but pointlessly removed from the courtroom scene with the Scalari Bros. Winston even shows up in the courtroom, talks to the Ghostbusters on trial and can be seen sitting in the background. However, once the Scalari Bros attack, Winston disappears. It always bothered me that they went out of their way not to use him.
I suppose what Ghostbusters II needs, which would really enhance the film and finally satisfy nay-sayers, is a “Director’s Cut”. There were many scenes that were finished, special effects and all, which wound-up on the cutting room floor for reasons of time. As a result, characters and plot-twists can take a nosedive into the realm of “WTF?” For instance, all of Louis’ extra scenes in the Firehouse, where he interacts with Slimer and Janine, were cut. These scenes set up his desire to become a Ghostbuster, his budding romance with Janine and his rivalry with Slimer. With these scenes absent, Louis’ ambition to become a Ghostbuster at the end of the film seems purely out of the blue, as does Janine’s sudden desire to sleep with him (makes her look like a total slut). Also, the bit where Louis is so surprised that Slimer is willing to help him get to the Museum at the end loses a lot of comedic value, as Louis was *supposed* to spend the bulk of the movie trying to catch Slimer. Another missing scene takes place after the Ghostbusters first investigate the museum and Ray becomes hypnotized. While driving away, Ray attempts to crash the Ecto-1A and kill all the Ghostbusters. He eventually snaps out of it, but Vigo maintains his hold on Ray throughout the film. With this scene deleted, Ray’s possession by Vigo at the film’s climax seems especially random and, well, stupid. If these scenes could be edited back into the film it would flow much more smoothly.
Ghostbsuters II is, I admit, an inferior sequel. Yet, sequels can be inferior to the originals yet still be *good*…just not as good. That’s how I feel about Ghostbusters II. I enjoy the film, I love seeing all the actors reprise their classic characters, and I totally dig the special effects. Ghostbusters II is worth a B, if you ask me.
Grade: B
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles II: the Secret of the Ooze
Much like Phantasm III, TMNT II: Secret of the Ooze is a perfect example of what happens when the studio executives have more power over a film than the actual creators. While the original TMNT film was a near-perfect adaptation of the Mirage comic book series with only a hint of the cartoon, TMNT II draws nearly all its inspiration and atmosphere from the animated series, resulting in a very kid-oriented film that doesn’t withstand the test of time as admirably as the original.
Following their showdown with the Shredder and the Foot Clan, the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (Leonardo, Raphael, Donatello and Michealangelo) are kicking back and scarfing pizza. However, the Shredder has survived, albeit brutally scarred from being crushed in a dump truck, and quickly rebuilds the Foot. Dr. Jordan Perry (David Warner), an employee of the TGRI chemical production plant (the same plant which created the ooze that mutated the TMNT) is taken prisoner by the Foot and forced to create two new mutants for their devious schemes. The result is Tokka and Rahzar, a super-strong snapping turtle and wolf duo who have the brain-power of infants. Now the TMNT and their new pal, Kino, have to figure out a way to take down the Foot once and for all.
By the time TMNT II was in production parents in the early 90’s were throwing a fit over the violence seen in the Ninja Turtle media, particularly the first movie. As a result of picketing soccer moms, several changes were made to the film. For one thing, the TMNT were not allowed to use their weapons on any of the Foot Soldiers, resulting in them barely using their weapons at all. Or, in Mike’s case, his nunchakus were completely forbidden. To go off on a tangent, Mike’s nunchakus were the source of much controversy as they were considered too violent a weapon, which lead to them being edited out of the cartoon series over in Europe and eventually removed from the show all-together.
Then there are the two new mutants on the block, Tokka and Rahzar. They look fantastic, sure, but their threat-level was virtually neutered by the decision to make them “babies”. As a matter of fact, original plans were for the film’s evil mutants to actually be Bebop and Rocksteady (Shredder’s lackeys from the animated series), but creators Kevin Eastman and Peter Laird managed to put their collective feet down and keep the pair of mutant numbskulls out of the film.
And there’s the TMNT’s new human ally, the kid-friendly Kino. The absence of their previous human friend, the ultra-violent Casey Jones, is sorely felt in this film. While the actor who played Kino is without a doubt a very talented martial artist, his presence is more-or-less annoying.
There are a few upsides to this film, though. The special effects provided by Jim Henson Studios are a major improvement over their work in the first film. While the lip-syncing isn’t perfect at least you can no longer see the mouths of the actors inside the suit behind Don’s teeth. Tokka and Rahzar are also a visual achievement, looking incredibly menacing despite their meager intellects. Super Shredder (portrayed by pro wrestler Kevin Nash) also looks phenomenal, though he can only be seen briefly at the film’s climax.
Another major improvement is the fight choreography. In the first film, the Turtles mostly just round-house kicked everybody and looked very stiff and clunky. The martial arts have undergone a major upgrade, with the Turtles moving a lot faster and acting more flexible. While the fighting still has a lot of cartoonish sight gags and annoying improv-comedy, when they’re actually fighting they’re really quite convincing.
However, not even the presence of one of my favorite character actors, David Warner, can overcome possibly the biggest and most memorable flaw of TMNT II: Vanilla Freakin’ Ice. The entire “Ninja Rap” sequence at the night club is downright embarrassing. The inclusion of Vanilla Ice is virtually unforgivable and he’s left a stain on the franchise that can never ever be erased. To this day, when many people think of the Ninja Turtles, they think of the Ninja Rap. God dammit.
While it does have its entertainment value, TMNT II still has too many noticeable studio-mandated alterations. The pop culture, the *bad* pop culture, also dates it terribly and not in an endearing sort of way. I have to give the movie a C-. Perhaps if it wasn’t for Vanilla Ice I could have rated this movie just a little bit higher.
Grade: C-
The Monster Squad
While everyone was busy ranting and raving about Steven Spielberg’s heart-warming family film, “the Goonies”, all the cool kids knew the Monster Squad was where it’s at. While generally looked at as a kid’s movie, this flick is incredibly violent and crass to carry such a label. The cast may be predominantly young, but the humor and action skews toward an audience more mature than the Goonies.
After sleeping for 100 years, Count Dracula has risen from his coffin once again. Dracula needs an ancient amulet with which he can usher in a new age of darkness. To aid him in his quest are Frankenstein, the Mummy, the Wolfman and the Gillman. The only ones standing in his way are the Monster Squad, a team of 5 pre-teen horror movie junkies. The members of the Monster Squad are the only ones aware of Dracula’s evil plans and in their possession is a diary containing an ancient incantation to seal Dracula away in total darkness for all eternity. The only catch is they need Dracula’s mystical amulet to complete the ritual, and Dracula won’t give it up without a fight.
The movie is unashamedly a “rip-off” of the Goonies, what with it containing the tough kid that looks like Corey Haim, the mandatory fat kid and the kid-friendly Frankenstein who bears a more than passing resemblance to Sloth. Yet I liked this movie a lot more than the Goonies. For one thing, I totally dug the All-Star cast of classic Universal movie monsters. You get every monster in one flick forming a sort of super villainous Legion of Doom. All the monsters get a healthy dose of screentime, save for the Gillman who’s reduced to a bit of a do-nothing. On the bright side, he looks a lot like the Predator.
I mentioned earlier, but this movie is really violent. Monsters get dismembered, staked through the chest, teenage girls are drained of blood, people and monsters get shot…the works. There’s lots of gruesome imagery, too, and some rather scary monster designs. This’ll definitely frighten some of the younger set. I’d still say it’s a good movie for kids, just gauge what kind of media your kids can handle. If they can take scary movies then they’ll really enjoy the Monster Squad.
The Monster Squad is a campy, violent flick, but it’s also incredibly funny. The cast of tweens really betray the quality of the humor in the movie. They say some really terrible things. There’s also quite a bit of…um…”off-color” language which your kids might pick up, just as a warning.
This is a great movie; hilarious, violent and packed with all the best monsters.
Grade: B
Beerfest
This is easily the best comedy of 2006 (so far), at least, it was better than all the other comedies I’ve bothered to go see this year. Beerfest should appeal to just about every party-going male over the age of 21 (and, honestly, quite a number *under* the age of 21).
The Wolfhouse Bros travel to Germany to spread the ashes of their late Grandfather when they accidentally discover an underground international beer-drinking competition called “Beerfest”. The Wolfhouse Bros are then publicly humiliated by the German team, who also claim that their late Grandfather stole a valuable beer recipe from them. The Wolfhouse Bros return to America in shame and decide to compete in next year’s Beerfest to avenge their Grandfather’s honor. They gather together a crack team of beer fanatics: Landfill, the beer-chugging powerhouse, Fink, the brainiac Jew who is an expert on the physics of alcohol, and Barry, a down-on-his-luck world-class drinking game competitor. The five then spend the following year training and drinking their asses off in order to take the Germans down at their own game.
If you haven’t figured it out by now, Beerfest is all about beer. Lots and lots and lots of beer. So much beer, in fact, that they had to put a warning at the beginning of the film cautioning audiences that if they drink that much beer, they *will* die. Beerfest manages to work in practically every beer-related event one can imagine. Beer Pong, Quarters, Upside-down Chugging, Shotgunning, Long-Pouring…you name it, it’s in this movie. Hell, they make up plenty of ingenious drinking games, too. Basically, if you’ve ever been to a party, you’re going to see a lot of familiar material.
The characters that make up the USA team are all hilarious in their own ways. While the Wolfhouse Bros are the relative “straight men” of the film (every comedy needs one), the other members are a riot to watch. Tank, the beer-chugging oaf, gets some of the best lines and there’s a hilarious gag involving him toward the end of the movie. Fink’s labwork is disgustingly funny, while his participation in the “Final Battle” is his most humorous moment. Then there’s Barry, who probably has one of the coolest scenes in the film when he shows off his talent at Quarters. Beerfest has a very well-defined cast of characters that carry the entire movie and are all memorable in their own way.
The Beerfest competition at the film’s finale is basically one ethnic stereotype after another and they’re all magnificent. Most of the jokes are crafted at the expense of Germans and their stereotypical brew-guzzling society. Only a few World War II gags, though (none involving Hitler, surprisingly).
Beerfest is a low-brow comedy, but really, what can you expect from a movie about glorifying alcoholism? Low-brow or not, it’s still ridiculously funny, rarely giving the audience a minute to catch their breath. If you’ve ever had a beer in your life there’ll be something you’ll like about this movie.
Grade: B