Wanna know a secret? I’m one of the biggest Ghostbusters fans you are ever likely to meet. I’ve seen every episode of the cartoons, I own all the comics, I used to collect the toys…the whole shabang. But a biased fanboy of the Ghostbusters franchise or not, I could never deny that this is a magnificent film in nearly every capacity. Ghostbusters has a little of something for everyone: horror, comedy, sci-fi, action, special effects, romance, great acting…everything. The frothing-at-the-mouth fan in me will tell you that it’s “the Perfect Movie”, while the subjective critic in me will tell you “it’s one of the best movies out there”. Either way, I love it.
Doctors Peter Venkman (Bill Murray), Ray Stantz (Dan Aykroyd) and Egon Spengler (Harold Ramis) have a dream: to found the world’s first paranormal investigations and eliminations agency. After being hurled out of Columbia University onto the streets of Manhattan, the trio put their plan into motion and set-up shop in a run-down firehouse, dubbing their new business, “Ghostbusters”. Elsewhere, at the Shandor Building on Central Park West, an otherworldly creature known only as Gozer is seeping into our reality through the apartment of Dana Barret (Sigourney Weaver). Dana seeks help from the Ghostbusters and immediately attracts the attention of Peter. They don’t hit it off too well as first, but not to worry, as the Ghostbusters soon find themselves up to their eyeballs in business as New York City is invaded by legions of malevolent spirits. Things get worse when Gozer sends its emissaries, Zuul and Vince Clortho, to possess Dana and her nerdy neighbor, Louis Tully (Rick Moranis). Once Gozer makes its way into our dimension it will bring with it the end of the world. Can the Ghostbusters stop it?
The plot of the movie has a heavy Lovecraftian influence about it, with an ancient multi-dimensional being gradually forcing its way into our world, not unlike Cthulhu or Yog-Sothoth. Of course, the Lovecraftian elements are played down with a heavy interjection of comedy. This movie is filled to the brim with jokes of all kind; it’s impossible to catch them all with a single viewing. The jokes are very clever, ranging from word-play, to character chemistry, to crude insults, to slapstick…but most importantly, perfect timing and delivery. The actors excel at delivering their lines; reacting to each other, the script and the environment at precisely the right moment to maximize the comedic effect. The humor in Ghostbusters in virtually an art. One of the lead contributing elements to the comedy is the cast and their chemistry with one another. They were all very familiar with each other, having worked together prior to Ghostbusters on television shows like Saturday Night Live and movies like Stripes. They just know how to get the best out of each other, and Director Ivan Reitman just knows how to get the best out of all of them.
The horror elements of the movie can go from silly to scary. When I was a kid the movie never scared me, I always had too much fun, but there are some very gruesome effects (like the zombie cab-driver or the library ghost). The special effects range from excellent to poor, to be honest. For the most part, the special effects are fantastic and can compete with most anything released today. However, the most glaring instance of bad effects are the stop-motion Terror Dogs, particularly the one which attacks Louis. The Terror Dog puppets look fantastic and frightening, but they lose a good amount of their edge with the clunky stop-motion effects. That, honestly, is my only complaint about the film.
Ghostbusters is a film where everything just comes together and locks into place. There are so many memorable characters, I didn’t even get a chance to mention them all. You’ve got EPA jackass Walter Peck (William Atherton), fourth Ghostbuster Winston Zeddemore (Ernie Hudson) and secretary Janine Melnitz (Annie Potts). Then there’s the soundtrack, packed with catchy 80’s tunes and an excellent score by Elmer Bernstein. And who could mention the soundtrack without bringing-up the chart-topping theme song by Ray Parker Jr.?
Ghostbusters is my idea of “the Perfect Movie”. It has something for everyone, it’s suitable for all ages and it just never gets old no matter how many times you watch it. Ghostbusters gets an A+. Like you couldn’t see that coming.
Grade: A+
Return of the Living Dead part II
Ugh, this movie was just as bad as everyone says it is. But that can’t be too hard to believe, can it? Which is a real shame, too, as the original Return of the Living Dead is one of the best zombie movies, not only of its time, but ever. Its also one of the funniest dark comedies available that never shoves too much slapstick down your throat but never takes itself too seriously, either.
The sequel? Not so much.
First off, any time a horror movie decides to make a kid or kids the star it usually ends up a nightmare to watch. Mostly because the kids can’t act; and these kids COULDN’T act. Well, all except for “The Guy who Played Tommy Jarvis in Friday the 13th Part VI”. He was cool.
The original “Return” was a perfect blend of horror, special effects and very dark comedy. This one was an over-the-top comedy that just wasn’t funny at all. Honestly, the talking severed head with a southern accent? Who the Hell laughed at that? “Git dat gosh dang screw drivah outta mah head!” Lame, just lame.
I dug that we got to see another Tarman when they first break open the tank, but it’s a shame he only got about 1 minute of screentime. He didn’t look as good as the Tarman from the first flick, anyway. Still, whether it’s “the” Tarman or “a” Tarman, he’s still the mascot of the franchise and I’m glad we got to see a version of him.
And speaking of the zombies, anybody notice that they kept reusing the same zombies over and over again, even after they got their heads blown up or run over in previous scenes? The one male zombie in the black and white suit with shoulder-length black hair kept showing up over and over again. I swear, they caved his skull in a half dozen times.
The DVD is pretty decent for such a poor movie, though. A director’s commentary (which I haven’t listened to), a trailer and a really good picture transfer. Not that the movie deserved such a fancy presentation.
The one thing I will say I like about the Return of the Living Dead franchise is the concept of a Zombie Anthology Series, centered around the various missing canisters of 245 Trioxcide and the zombie-related effects they have on those who open them up. It’s a cool concept that provides so much potential, yet sadly, most of the sequels squander it. Especially this one.
I’d give the movie an F. There were some decent zombie effects, particularly the bit in the hospital when the zombie gets sliced in half but crawls around anyway. However it goes overboard with the slapstick comedy and only manages to deliver maybe 2 or 3 solid laughs, total.
Grade: F
Clerks II
There weren’t very many movies this summer that I found myself excited about. There were a few action-oriented films that tickled my fancy (Silent Hill, X-Men 3, Snakes on a Plane) but no comedies that captured my interests. Except one. Clerks II is the film I’d been waiting for ever since it was announced at the end of the credits for Dogma. Of all the “View Askewniverse” entries, the original Clerks remains my favorite. When you spend over half a decade of your life working in a retail outlet, dealing with the horror that is the general public, movies like Clerks really speak to you. Especially if you spent those years working in video stores, like I did. So, did Clerks II invoke within my bosom that warm and fuzzy feeling like the original did?
Absolutely.
Before I get too far ahead with annoying life stories and what-not, I’ll lay down the plot of the film for you. The Quick-Stop and RST Video outlets in New Jersey are gone, and Dante Hicks has finally decided its time to grow up and move on to a “real” life. He gets engaged to a pretty girl named Emma who is willing to take him down to Florida and give him a “real” job working at one of her parents’ carwashes. Although Emma and Dante don’t really get one-another, Dante just wants to seize any opportunity he can find to move on. To make ends meet until then, Dante and his buddy Randal Graves are flipping burgers at a Mooby’s fast food restaurant. Flipping the burgers with them are Becky, Dante’s boss and one-time lover, and Elias, a socially awkward teenage loser who is obsessed with Lord of the Rings and the Transformers. What follows is plenty of hilarious social commentary, pop culture minutia, antics from Jay & Silent Bob and the lead characters figuring out what they really want out of life.
Clerks II doesn’t require one to have seen every installment in the View Askew franchise. It helps to a degree, but this film has more in common with the first installment (to which it is a direct sequel) than the rest of the films. References to those films are few and far-between (Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back being the only major references) and don’t directly effect the plot. Clerks II is also a bit more grounded in “reality”, avoiding most of the silly/stupid slapstick humor of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back and Mallrats. There is one wacky musical number in the middle of the film, but don’t worry, it’s awesome. Also, Clerks II is 99.9% Ben Affleck-free, with Mr. Affleck only receiving a single line of dialogue and about a total minute’s worth of screen time. Praise the Lord!
Like most Kevin Smith films, the humor has a broad range of appeal. You’ve got crude humor that’ll make many a person cringe, nonsensical humor for the Monty Python crowd, pop culture observations for those who are “with it”, topical humor for the politically incorrect audience and plenty of nerd humor for the internet geeks of the world. This is one of Smith’s strongest suits, as there’s something for everyone to laugh at in this movie. And I feel I need to add, “porch monkey” is ten times funnier when Kevin Michael Richardson screams it at the top of his lungs.
But there’s more going on in this film than just a bunch of stupid jokes and pop culture references. Whether it was intentional or not, Dante’s crisis in many ways mimics the career of Kevin Smith. Dante wants to move on from retail employment, get married and live a “real” life, the life that is expected from him by society. A person in their mid 30’s just isn’t supposed to be working at a mini-mart or a fast food joint. However, Dante finds his true calling by the film’s conclusion. Kevin Smith started out making comedies until eventually he decided to move on to “serious” film making because that’s what was expected of him. However, his attempts to do just that resulted in the disastrous debacle that was “Jersey Girl”. With Clerks II, Kevin Smith seems to have decided to screw what was “expected of him” and treat movie-goers to something he’s truly talented at, comedy with a splash of meaningful subtext.
The notorious pop culture dissection didn’t seem quite as prevalent this time around as it was in the original film. They rip apart the likes of Lord of the Rings and, especially, the Transformers. Although I am a big Transformers fan, I still have a sense of humor, and found most of the jokes at the expense of one of my favorite hobbies really funny. Jay & Silent Bob get about as much screentime as they did in the original movie and never actually steal the show. However, they do interact more with Dante and Randal, which I enjoyed, as I kind of like seeing them get along.
While the original Clerks is my favorite installment in the View Askew franchise, Clerks II comes in at a close second. I may not enjoy every film in the series, but I thoroughly enjoyed this one. And I’m sure most anyone will, too. Clerks II gets a B+. Kevin Smith deserved every second of that 8 minute standing ovation.
Grade: B+
Rock n’ Roll Nightmare
You know, I think this is my favorite “worst movie of all-time”. It’s exhaustingly terrible in every conceivable department, from the direction, to the acting, to the special effects, to the writing, and so on. Little known fact: each video cassette is infused with a small Gremlin-like monster which steals a small portion of your soul every time you watch this movie. And to make things worse, you’re going to be watching this movie more than you could every possible want to, as immediately after seeing it, you’ll want to show it to all your friends. Because watching Rock n’ Roll Nightmare is the only way to appreciate how awesomely awful it really is.
As the tale is told, Jon-Mikl Thor (played by John Mikl Thor) and his band, Triton, have holed themselves away in a remote Canadian farmhouse/recording studio so they can finish their latest album. Little do these imbeciles know, the farmhouse was the location of a grisly murder several years back, and in reality, is the nexus between Hell and Earth. But that’s okay, because all these guys wanna do is SUCK! Er, I mean…ROCK! As the troop of ridiculous stereotypes have disgusting sex every other minute (these people aren’t attractive-enough to warrant gratuitous sex scenes) and obliviously maneuver around rubber puppets that vomit in their coffee, a malevolent force picks them off one-by-one. In the end, the only one who can stop the rampaging “Bub” (short for “Beelzebub”) is the archangel Triton (played by Jon-Mikl Thor). But can he withstand the onslaught of Bub’s demonic starfish? They are pretty sticky, after all.
About every 10 minutes or so, they break-up the monotony of terrible acting and terrible special effects with terrible music videos. Jon-Mikl Thor leaps around in glittery outfits, howling cheesy hair metal into a microphone as the brain-dead female characters either play the keyboard or dance around like poorly-trained strippers. The “music” might be the only borderline-tolerable aspect of this movie, provided that you have a taste for late 80’s hair metal. If a soundtrack to this movie ever existed, I might be willing to buy it as a convenient means of atoning for my sins while I drive to the grocery store.
The acting isn’t just poor, it’s bankrupt. The drummer begins the movie with a (terrible) Australian accent, then graduates to a (terrible) British accent, and finally settles on a (terrible) American accent, after he gets possessed by one of those finger-puppets. I seriously wonder what nationality this guy really is, as he most-certainly wasn’t from any of the countries whose accents he tried to imitate. It’s quite possible he just had autism. Then there’s the band’s manager, a guy who looks like the President of the Ducky Fan Club (Pretty in Pink reference!). You’ll be thanking multiple deities that he dies first. Then there’s the Canadian groundskeeper. I’ll get to his big contribution, later. And, finally, there’s the writer, Intercessor, star and lead vocalist of Triton: Jon-Mikl Thor. He may very well be the most talented actor in the film…and that’s just sad.
The director (John Fasano) isn’t particularly coherent when it comes to developing tension. In one scene, the Canadian groundskeeper tells the manager about the recording studio and then gives him the keys. After the manager walks away, the groundskeeper looks sinisterly at the camera and says “You’ll see”. They then play some striking, overly-dramatic orchestrational music which then whimpers out into an “eerie” silence as the camera pans away into a bird’s eye view of the farm. And what does all this lead to? The groundskeeper standing around and then eventually getting a wheelbarrow. And before you ask, no, the wheelbarrow does not play some significant role later in the film.
The special effects budget appears to have come in at a rough total of $13.76…Canadian. The rubber puppets, demonic turkey legs, evil starfish and monster masks all look like the sort of thing you’d find in the bargain bin of a Halloween store. To give them a more “realistic” appearance, they slather the puppets down with clear goo. Yeah, that’ll do it. The ending battle, where the wobbly “Bub” puppet hurls starfish at Jon-Mikl Thor (clad only in a cape and metal-studded G-string) then clasps both his enemy’s hands and engages him in a power-struggle for 15 minutes…is the stuff of legend.
Oh yeah, and those gratuitous sex scenes? There’s far too many of them. Honestly, one would have been too many, but they pad this movie down with at least seven or eight, just for good measure. I think Jon-Mikl Thor made this movie just so he could get laid. The atrocious intercourse finally comes to a climax with Jon-Mikl Thor and some curly-haired nightmare having a gratuitous shower scene. The entire sequence makes me feel so disgusting I have to go take a shower…but then I have second thoughts. Jon-Mikl Thor might be in there.
It’s quite obvious that this film was intended to be a vehicle for Jon-Mikle Thor’s band, Triton. However, thanks to divine intervention, that vehicle crashed and burned shortly after pulling-out of the driveway. I feel it would be a crime to give this movie anything greater than an F-, but I have to admit, I love to hate this movie. I find myself watching it more times than any human being was ever intended to. I think that Gremlin has a good 45% of my soul, by now.
Grade: F-
Lupin III: Strange Psychokinetic Strategy
Though it may very well be stating the obvious, I think it’s best to preface this review by telling you all that the only people who are going to take ANY interest in this film are fans of the Lupin III animated series and it’s subsequent string of animated movies. Your Average Joe with no concept of the Lupin III universe or characters isn’t going to find any entertainment value from this movie, and honestly, even the biggest Lupin III fan isn’t going to enjoy this movie, either.
The plot is no different than any of Lupin’s animated outings, and even features a “First Encounter”-style approach where all the cast meets for the first time. Essentially, Lupin III is the world’s greatest thief, descended from the infamous French thief, Arsene Lupin. To a man who can steal anything he wants, the world is Lupin’s oyster. However, all that changes one day when he meets the gorgeous cat-burglar, Mine Fujiko. Being the sex-offender that he is, Lupin immediately takes to her, despite her manipulative personality, and they become partners in crime.
Now enter Daisuke Jigen, world-renowned marksman and lone survivor of Lupin II’s vast criminal empire. He seeks to join forces with Lupin III so that he might rebuild the “Lupin Empire” but finds this Lupin to be arrogant and uncooperative. But despite that, they quickly become friends, and along with Fujiko, plot the world’s greatest jewel-heist.
And next we meet the short-fused Inspector Zenigata, whom joined by two bumbling assistants, has dedicated his life to tracking down and apprehending Lupin III. But Zenigata isn’t the only one after the main character; the Mafia’s Maccerrone Family (pronounced “Macaroni”) wants to bump Lupin off to ensure that he never has the opportunity to rebuild the Lupin Empire. And if all this wasn’t complicated enough, there are bounty hunters on the trio’s tail and a race to see which party can get a priceless, ancient statue with strange psychokinetic powers first.
This film was made way back in the early 1970’s at the height of Lupin’s popularity in Japan. So like much of the Lupin animation produced in the same time-period, this whole thing is going to seem very dated. But, unlike Lupin’s animated adventures from the 70’s, lacks that nostalgic charm and instead presents us with everything from the 70’s we’d wish to forget.
The plot also does some unwelcome tinkering with the origins of each character; something just about any Lupin fan is sure to take offense to. Despite that, the actors cast to play each character fit the bill well-enough. Lupin is of French descent, so hiring a Japanese actor to portray him irked me at first, but they quickly address the fact and reveal that his mother was Japanese. Jigen is supposed to be of American origin (having been on the run from the Chicago mob in the original cartoons and comics), but since he has a completely different origin in this movie, I’d say his appearance works just fine save for having a goatee instead of a beard. Fujiko transitioned from cartoon to reality quite accurately, save for her most recognizable feature (her mountainous chest) being left behind. Zenigata suffers the most, however. He’s been stripped of his trench-coat and hat and given a business suit, instead. The oafish assistants he’s been saddled with are neither funny nor a part of the source material and will inspire nothing but frustration from the audience.
The atmosphere of the movie is EXTREMELY silly, so don’t be expecting some dark, violent Lupin epic. The director makes it obvious his intent is to create a live action cartoon; emphasis on “cartoon”. Characters get flattened into pancakes against walls, chase each other through corridors ala Scooby Doo, get coated in black soot after bombs explode in there faces, and more than once, Lupin directly addresses the audience.
These gags are very hit-or-miss. Some times they are ingeniously funny, like when Lupin shows how he kills a bounty hunter in slow-motion, or when Jigen opens up his jacket to reveal a psychotic arsenal of guns. However, most of them are much too childish and don’t fit in with the other very raunchy, and occasionally very violent, gags that appear through-out the film.
I recommend this movie to the hardcore Lupin III fans only, and even then I suggest you view it for its historical significance to the franchise and not as a particularly good live action adaptation of the comics or cartoons.
Grade: D+