I typically refrain from making title-related puns in my reviews, but to be frank, “Rise of the Silver Surfer” totally wipes out. Tim Story’s last Fantastic Four film was an utter disaster of a comic book movie from start to finish. I hadn’t left a comic book movie feeling that disappointed since Ang Lee’s “Hulk”. Well, it pains me to say this, but Story didn’t learn a single thing from the slew of negative responses the first film garnered. Just about everything that made the “Fantastic Four” a chore to watch is present in the sequel as well as a cornucopia of new annoyances and irritations.
Reed Richards AKA Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) and Susan Storm AKA the Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) are finally getting married. However, the sudden arrival of a mysterious celestial being that causes disasters all across the world has put their wedding plans on hold. It seems this Silver Surfer (played by Doug Jones, voiced by Lawrence Fishburne) is the herald of Galactus, the Devourer or Worlds, and Earth is next on the menu. Reed, Susan and the rest of the Fantastic Four, Johnny Storm AKA the Human Torch (Chris Evans) and Ben Grimm AKA the Thing (Michael Chiklis), must team with their old foe, Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon), to save the world. But Doom has his eye on the Surfer’s board which is in reality the Power Cosmic, the source of the Surfer’s incredible power.
I’m a comic book nerd and I have no compunctions about admitting it. So when I go into a comic book movie, yes, I look for accuracy, but at the same time I try to view the movie from an unbiased perspective and try to understand and appreciate the various changes. Unfortunately, in the case of Tim Story’s Fantastic Four series, these changes aren’t just bad due to inaccuracies to the source, they’re just bad period.
Making Galactus nothing more than an angry storm cloud is unacceptable. So apparently a giant guy in purple spandex and a stupid helmet would be too difficult to bring to life in a live action movie. Well, if you want to do Galactus then find a way to make it work. How? Don’t ask me, I’m not the one being paid millions of dollars to come up with the movie. Making Galactus such a non-character, basically nothing more than a sentient cloud of fire and space dust, is unforgivable.
Then you have the other villains of the film. There’s the sorrowful Silver Surfer who actually has next to no character depth or personality whatsoever. I know he’s supposed to be quiet and enigmatic, but for someone whose name is in the title of the movie, he’s really quite boring. However, he isn’t the real villain of the film. Dr. Doom returns and that laughable yuppie voice he speaks with returns with him. If there’s one thing Story could have changed, why couldn’t he have let Doom speak with a commanding voice while wearing the helmet? I feel like Dr. Doom should be serving me wine at a high-end restaurant, not enslaving humanity. He’s only marginally more threatening once he obtains the Power Cosmic, too. I think Tim Story based this Dr. Doom on the version that appeared in the first season of the 90’s cartoon series. Once he attains the Surfer’s God-like powers he doesn’t unveil any complex hidden agendas or outrageous world-domination schemes…he aspires to do no more than blow shit up. That’s not Dr. Doom. Hell, that’s not even Blastarr.
The movie tries to fit too much into too little a run-time. You’ve got Reed and Sue’s wedding, Johnny getting Super Skrull-like powers, the army recruiting the Fantastic Four, Reed and Sue having doubts about being heroes, Johnny growing up, the Surfer doing stuff, Dr. Doom doing stuff, Galactus hovering ominously overhead…Tim Story has so much he wants to tell but doesn’t have the time nor the directorial skill to tell it all.
As far as the acting and the effects go, it’s all a bit mediocre. I actually don’t mind Gruffudd as Reed, Evans as Johnny or Chiklis as Ben; they actually bring the characters to life fairly well. Jessica Alba has never been a good choice for Sue, though. She plays up the super-bitch aspects of Sue but casts aside all the warmth of the character, making her rather unlikable. It also doesn’t help that with the blonde dye-job, the blue contacts, the layers of make-up and cosmetic enhancements…she basically looks like a mannequin brought to life. The effects are alright, though Reed’s stretching still looks far too fake and cartoonish. The Silver Surfer’s effects were quite good but just about every single action sequence he appears in was used in the trailers and TV spots, so don’t be expecting anything new or exciting when you get to the theater.
I’d say that “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” was the biggest disappointment of the summer, but to be honest, I had little hope for this movie from the start. There’s just no real reason I can think of to go see this movie. If you’re a fan of good action movies, then skip it, as it’s very poorly put together. If you’re a fan of the Fantastic Four, then definitely skip it, as it’s a very poorly scripted and poorly conceived adaptation of the comics.
Grade: D-
Naruto the Movie: Ninja Clash in the Land of Snow – Review
There’s one word that best describes Japanese cartoons such as “Naruto”, and that word is “filler”. Lots and lots of filler. The type of television show that takes twenty episodes worth of plot and stretches in out to fit one hundred. Shows like “Dragonball Z”, “Inu Yasha”, “One Piece” and “Bleach”. I recognize why they employ these tactics (the shows are made concurrently with the comics but have to keep from catching up with the source material, which often times leads to entire fifty episode story arcs of pure, meaningless filler), but that doesn’t mean I have to like it.
Thankfully, they also make movies. Much like the “Dragonball Z” movies I review so frequently for this website, “Naruto the Movie” cuts the crap and gets right to the point. It takes everything that’s decent about the show and leaves behind much of what makes it impossible for me to watch. But is it still any good?
For those who don’t keep up with the show, Naruto Uzumaki (Maile Flanagan) is an obnoxious ninja boy with a nine-tailed demon residing within his body, which gives him incredible power. He is a member of Team 7, a group of young ninjas consisting of the quiet loner stereotype, Sasuke (Yuri Lowenthal), the brain-dead pink haired generic anime girl, Sakura (Kate Higgins), and their leader, the enigmatic adult ninja, Kakashi (Dave Wittenberg). Team 7 is given the mission of escorting the stuck-up actress Fujikaze Yukie and her film crew to the Snow Country. However, along the way they discover that Yukie is actually the deposed Princess of the Snow Country, Princess Koyuki Kazehana. Team 7’s job meets with complications when they are attacked by a band of rogue ninjas, lead by Doto Kazehana, who wants Yukie’s necklace as it is in fact the key to the Snow Country’s greatest treasure.
Alright, so it should be fairly obvious that I’m not the biggest “Naruto” fan in the world. So then, why did I go see this movie for it’s extremely limited (one night, one showing, in select theaters only) theatrical release? Because America doesn’t make cel-animated movies anymore. Or, we don’t release them theatrically, anyway. As a matter of fact, the last cel-animated cartoon I saw in theaters was the “Full Metal Alchemist” movie…and I saw that when I was visiting Kyoto in 2005. I basically just wanted to see a cartoon on the big screen that wasn’t CGI. It really could’ve been anything.
Still, like I said earlier, this movie leaves behind most of the things I hate about the TV series and was actually rather enjoyable. The various batshit-crazy ninja moves that characters execute in battle are a trip and remain very creative and visually entertaining. They employ them in lots of inventive ways that actually surprise the audience (I never see that damn substitution-jutsu coming no matter how many times they pull it). The story’s no great shakes, pulling quite a few ideas from the much-superior “Castle of Cagliostro”, even going so far as to have a predictable “the REAL treasure of the country is blah blah blah, which the villain could NEVER have!” trite ending. Yet, they tell the story in the span of 113 minutes instead of 113 episodes, so it has that advantage over the TV series.
The animation is also pretty good. I mean, you can tell the budget wasn’t cosmic or anything, as the animation is only a bit better than the TV show’s, but it’s still very technically sound and the fight scenes are pure eye candy. A lot of “Naruto” fans express loathing for the English dub of the show, but I’ve never really found it all that bad. Well, save for that ”Believe It!” thing, but thankfully they keep that to a minimum.
Now for the stuff I hate. I hate most of the characters. That’s right, even Sasuke. The cast is basically made up of every shallow anime character template you can think of. I think Sakura is my least favorite, as the extent of her personality is “I love Sasuke, TEE HEE!” Naruto’s brand of obnoxious buffoonery can actually be endearing at times. I found the scene where Yukie maces him in the face and buries him under a pile of logs to be pretty funny. I suppose if I had to like one character, it would be Kakashi. He seems to be aware that every other character in the show is annoying as all Hell.
So did I like the movie? Eh, not really. But I’m not a “Naruto” fan, so it really wasn’t geared for me. I did enjoy seeing a well-produced cel-animated feature film on the big screen, so it wasn’t a total loss. “Naruto” fans are sure to enjoy it, and since they’re the target audience, I guess the film achieved its goal.
Grade: C
Gundam: G-Saviour – Review
I’ve never been much of a Gundam fan. I’m more of a Transformers-guy, personally. Still, when I found this live action film in a DVD bargain bin at a local used record shop, I figured “what the hell” and dropped the $8 bucks for it. I got it mostly because I like seeing cartoons make the transition into live action, even if it’s done very poorly. And although I’m no Gundam expert, I can say with assurance that “G-Saviour” was done very poorly.
It’s Universal Century 223 and Earth has set up space station colonies known as Sides. The Sides have been in a political struggle with the Earth government known as CONSENT over independence. The Side known as Gaia has been the most aggressive and the key to their sovereignty just might lie in a formula for bio-luminescence which can make underwater agriculture a reality and eliminate famine. Former CONSENT soldier Mark Curran (Brennan Elliot) realizes that his former employers will do anything they can to get their hands on the substance, so he teams with a group of Gaian rebels lead by Cynthia Graves (Enuka Okuma) to get it from Earth to Gaia safely. Hot on Mark’s heels is his former commander of questionable moral fiber, Col. Jack Halle (David Lovgren), who has framed Mark for murder and is willing to wage war on Gaia if it means destroying the bio-luminescence formula. Gaia’s only hope to defeat the forces of Earth lies with Mark and his powerful Mobile Suit, G-Saviour.
The DVD box touts this movie as the special “Gundam 20th Anniversary Project”. I can’t imagine a worse way to celebrate a 20th anniversary than with a cheap, poorly scripted, poorly acted, poorly directed, poorly conceived made-for-TV-movie. This was apparently a joint production between Sunrise Studios in Japan and Polestar Television in North America and it left me thinking that something was lost in the transition overseas. Namely, the giant robots. The Mobile Suits seem like more of an afterthought in this movie than anything else. With a run-time of 95 minutes, you get maybe a total sum of 10 minutes of giant robot action. I may not know a lot about Gundam, but I do know that when I watch a Gundam movie there had damn well better be more than ten minutes of giant robots!
The bulk of the film follows the adventures of Mark and his gang of rebels as they try to escape Earth and get the secret formula back to Gaia. The characters are so two-dimensional I half expected them to float away on a stiff breeze. Mark is particularly wretched, being the stale soldier-who-quit-the-force-because-he-plays-by-his-own-rules-but-must-save-the-day archetype. And of course there’s the added bonus where he has to overcome his vow to never pilot a Mobile Suit again so that he can win the final battle, subplot. The rest of the cast are actually worse. You’ve got Dieter (Alfonso Quijada), a rebel who doesn’t trust Mark because he’s from Earth and gradually learns to respect him when he saves his life etc. There’s the aforementioned villain, Col. Jack Halle, whose evil just because. And so on and so forth. Needless to say, they occupy 85 minutes of this 95 minute movie and they do not carry it well at all.
The direction and cinematography are blander than a saltine cracker. Everything screams “made for TV movie”, from the uninspired camera work to the boring lighting. The sets also look especially cheap, particularly the cockpits of the Mobile Suits. They look like something I could have made myself with $50 bucks-worth of supplies procured at my local Home Depot.
I suppose if there had to be one upside to this movie it would have to be the Mobile Suits, scarcely as they’re used. Digital Muse choreographs some fantastic space battles and the Mobile Suits move very smoothly. The one downside is that the CGI is primitive. It does not blend well with live action surroundings at all and looks very cartoonish. Had this entire film been animated then the CGI would have been breath-taking. But as it stands, you’ll feel like you’re watching “Who Framed Roger Rabbit” at times. That bit of incompatibility aside, the final battle (all 10 minutes of it) looks great. Both Mark and Jack may have been terrible characters, but their brief Mobile Suit showdown was awesome.
But alas, ten minutes does not make a movie. Especially when the remaining 85 minutes are so painful you might sprout a brain tumor. I’m afraid I can’t recommend this to anyone, even if you do find it in a bargain bin for $8 bucks. I understand that even the hardcore Gundam fandom loathes this movie, if that tells you anything. View at your own risk.
Grade: F
Sin City 2 only delayed – NOT Cancelled – says Miller
Frank Miller spoke with Rotten Tomatoes to kill the rumor that Sin City 2 wasn’t happening because of Grindhouse. Miller told them plainly, “The script is written and Robert and I are raring to go, but it looks like I’m going to be doing The Spirit first and Robert’s going to be doing Barbarella first.”
Now, with more traditional filmmakers, I might be inclined to think that they won’t come back to it, since they have both moved on to other projects…but Robert Rodriguez and Frank Miller aren’t traditional filmmakers. Rodriguez works so quickly that I won’t be surprised at all to see him back on this project, and I’m sure that Frank is just too darn excited to wait to work on his first solo film.
We’ll see what happens, but the box office for Grindhouse should not and will not have an affect on Sin City 2. Sin City was a success, there’s no reason that a completely unrelated (and WAY TOO LONG) project like Grindhouse would put a stopper in it.
Spider-Man 3 – Review
I don’t think I have ever anticipated a movie as painfully and anxiously as I have been anticipating “Spider-Man 3”. These past few years of waiting were tough, but these recent months, once the onslaught of marketing laid siege to my senses…well, they have been absolute torture. So, let me just say, the end result justified every minute of vein-popping anticipation. And then some.
You should know the story by now: Peter Parker (Tobey Maguire) is your friendly neighborhood Spider-Man. The guy’s life is usually a mess, but wouldn’t you know it, things are just getting worse. First off, Peter wants to ask Mary Jane (Kirsten Dunst) to marry him, but their relationship has been rocky as of late. Peter doesn’t do his love life any favors after a bizarre alien symbiote bonds to his Spidey costume, enhancing his powers but causing his personality to go haywire. If that wasn’t enough, his once good friend Harry Osborn (James Franco) has finally decided to take vengeance on Pete for the death of his father, the Green Goblin, by becoming the New Goblin.
But still there’s more.
Escaped convict Flint Marko (Thomas Haden Church) has been identified as the real killer of Peter’s Uncle Ben, but bringing him to justice won’t be easy. It would seem that after stumbling into a science experiment, Marko has been atomically transformed into the shifting Sandman. The Sandman is out to steal money to solve his own personal problems, but a meaner, darker Spider-Man isn’t about to cut him any slack.
And still there’s more!
Peter finds competition in freelance photographer Eddie Brock (Topher Grace) whose out to snatch up the prized staff position at the Daily Bugle. Brock is determined to get the job at any cost, which naturally leads to some conflict with the totally-off-his-rocker Spider-Man. Spidey may just do something he’ll live to regret and create the greatest villain he’ll ever face.
Whew. And that was just the Reader’s Digest version. There are so many plots going on in this film you’ll feel like you’re watching three sequels at once. However, unlike other superhero flicks which try to shoehorn too many villains into too slender a runtime (“Batman & Robin”), “Spider-Man 3” pulls it off almost without a hitch.
The problem I had with “Spider-Man 2” (and don’t get me wrong, I loved the movie) was that it was about 80% Peter and Mary Jane romantic drama and only 20% superhero action. On top of that, it was so dark and depressing it just didn’t feel like the way Spidey’s supposed to feel. It was very…unbalanced.
Well, I can assure you that practically every qualm “Spider-Man 2” left me with was nowhere to be seen in this installment. Director Sam Raimi blends the humor, the action and the drama all together without losing sight of what the audience really wants to see: superheroes!
The first doubt on everyone’s mind (at least to the people I talked to, as well as myself) was whether or not Raimi could work three villains into one movie and still give them character and personality. For the most part, he did a stellar job. The New Goblin was ready to go, as Harry already had two film’s worth of character development under his belt. He comes off best of the villains, fulfilling what the audience has been anticipating since the end of the first film. He’s a very strong character and drives home the film’s message about choice and consequence magnificently.
That leaves Sandman and Venom to contend with. Sandman has more depth, personality and backstory in this one movie than he ever had in the comics. I mean, in his first appearance in the comics he took a high school principal hostage, demanding a diploma and was eventually defeated when Spidey lured him into a janitor’s closet and sucked him up with a vacuum cleaner. Kind of hard not to improve upon that origin. The bit with Sandman’s daughter as well as his connection to Uncle Ben’s murder are worked off very well, tying him into the story and giving him purpose other than being a random villain for Spidey to beat up. Thomas Haden Church should get some sort of award for his portrayal of the character, as he is the spitting image of the Sandman from head to toe. It’s almost spooky.
And then there was Venom. He’s the one everyone seemed most interested in, as Sony seemed to want to keep him all hush-hush. While I liked him in the movie, I really did, he was probably the weakest of the three baddies. But that’s hardly an insult, considering how well done all three of them were. My problem didn’t lie with Topher Grace as Eddie Brock. I actually dug his portrayal of the character, which I didn’t expect I would, and I found his delivery of humor alongside his natural nerdishness to actually enhance Brock. Venom is generally viewed as the “anti-Spider-Man”, so by making Brock a character that came off as “Peter Parker gone bad” instead of a roid-raging brute, it got the point across a lot better. The symbiote is what I had the problem with. It sort of just came out of nowhere, almost feeling tacked on. Its effect on Peter’s personality and how that drove the story was great, but the way it was introduced into the story was just so “um…okay! …Wait…what?”
Now, like I said earlier, one of my issues with “Spider-Man 2” was the lack of humor. Spider-Man’s supposed to be a funny guy, that’s part of his character. A humorless Spidey is just not right. Well, I can assure you right now, this movie is 100% funnier than the previous installment, almost side-splittingly so. Raimi gives Spidey his one-liners and proper personality but also works some of his trademark awkward and bizarre humor into various scenes and montages. The whole theater was cracking up. You’d think a movie where Peter Parker goes all emo would be dark and gothy, but you’d be wrong.
Of the three Spider-Man movies released thus far (and I pray there will be more), I enjoyed this one the most. Far more epic and balanced than the last two (which I loved), “Spider-Man 3” is a grand finale to the trilogy, with the emphasis on “grand”. While I want more more more, if the series does end on this note, I won’t complain.
Grade: A