Living. Blogging.
If marital infidelity has sent your perfect world crashing all over, take heart in the fact that many have gone before you and survived. Many went on to have successful relationships. Others achieved happiness without relying on intimate relationships. The most wonderful part of going through a crisis is seizing the chance to start over to have a better life. After the pain comes the opportunity to heal and be constructive in spite of the excruciatingly painful experience.
I have found myself crying a lot in the past few weeks. I think that during this period, I have cried more than I have in the last 10 years. I know there is an underlying reason, but I also know that I do not want people to know what I am going through. I’d bite my lip till it bled before I let others see me cry. Yeah, I have failed a lot lately.
One thing I have learned: crying serves a purpose, and it shouldn’t be something to be ashamed of!
When we cry, it is because something specific is bothering us. In the heat of the moment, however, we may not be able to pinpoint the specific issue. That’s when things turn from bad to worse – if we do not take the time to pinpoint what the exact problem is. When you feel overwhelmed and tears start welling up, don’t lose yourself in despair. Open your mind and look deep to figure out the problem. That way, your perspective does not get skewed.
Crying is an indication that we need support, have you realized that? I am, by nature, a solitary person. I like to deal with things on my own, and I don’t like wearing my heart on my sleeve. Then again, there is only so much that a person can handle on his own. When you feel like crying, it’s probably a sign that you need to unload your feelings. Call up your best friend – the person that you would trust your most horrid secret with – and vent. If you talk your problems through, you just might be able to find a workable solution.
Remember, crying should not be taken as a sign of weakness. It is part of the process of healing and repairing that which needs to be rebuilt.
Not everyone feels discontent. In fact, I know some people who would say that there is nothing they would want to change in their lives right now. However, I know a whole lot more of people who want to change their lives for the better – that includes me.
I have found a new “hero” in Ellen Welty, who wrote the article “12 Questions that will change your life.” I seriously had to sit here and think for a very long time as I read what she had to say. You ready for the 12 questions?
1. How do I spend my alone time?
2. Do I pay attention to what my body needs?
3. To whom am I grateful?
4. Do I compare my life to other people’s?
5. Do I spend money on things that speak to my soul?
6. What do I see when I look in the mirror each morning?
7. Have I figured out a way to handle the less-than-perfect relationships in my life?
8. Do I have faith in something bigger than I am, whether it’s God or some other spiritual form?
9. What positive things do I bring to relationships with my husband, my kids, my friends?
10. Is there a space in my home to do the things I love (paint, practice yoga, play cards with friends)?
11. How many hours a week do I spend on my computer, my TV, my BlackBerry?
12. Do I feel older or younger than my years? How often do I feel good about being exactly the age I am?
You know what really struck me? There is no wrong or right answer to each of these questions. Whatever your answer is, the next step is up to you. If you want change, then you will act depending on how you answer these questions. I think I shall spend the weekend pondering on these questions some more. I hope you do, too.
As we say goodbye to an old year, we are all making goals in our minds. We may not all be writing them down, but I am sure that others have at least an idea of what they want to achieve in the next year. I, for one, am thinking of going back to school – if only part-time. I need to keep my full-time job and I think that with a little juggling, I can manage both. If you are thinking of doing the same thing, here are some tips that can help you do your juggling act in a more efficient manner.
Let people close to you know about your plans and goals. Just like with other plans, support is very important. As such, you should share your aspirations with those closest to you – those who will give you the support that you need. Your significant other, your parents, your siblings, your best friends – let them know what you want to achieve and they can give you advice as well as the daily support that you will need.
Be ready to compromise. If you want to go to school full-time but your budget and your schedule cannot accommodate that, then consider going part-time. This is actually what I have in mind. After all, school doesn’t really come cheap!
Get your priorities in order and learn to give up things that you have to give up. Basically, you have to learn to say no. Going to school and working is NOT easy. At a certain point, you have to give up certain activities. Going out on a weekday, maybe. Or going on weekend trips. Just be ready to give up some things that you are used to.
The homosexual issue has always been controversial, although it has become less so in certain circles over the years. One proof of this is Highlands Church in Denver, which openly welcomes gays and lesbians to its congregation. Led by Rev. Mark Tidd, the church has broken away from tradition. In fact, the Reverend delivers a weekly welcome speech including these words: “queer or straight here, there’s no hate here.”
As can be expected, the church has drawn a lot of attention – both positive and negative. For example, David Dockery (Union University President; Southern Baptist) says that the church will continue to be considered as a renegade congregation. He does accede that the traditional evangelical view cannot be expected to be carried on unanimously by everyone considering the shifts in culture and way of thinking. However, he also says that this is even stronger reason to maintain a solid stand against homosexuality (not the person, but the lifestyle).
Since Highlands Church changed its stance on the issue, it has lost a considerable number of its members – about half in fact. On the other hand, it has also attracted new members who have been seeking a church with this kind of belief.
The Church states that they are not out to fight for social justice or gay and lesbian rights. They exist simply to fulfill a spiritual need to those who are generally unwelcome in other churches.
To be honest, the whole thing disturbs me. It disturbs me that I maintain the traditional evangelical view because it seems to alienate people. That is why I admire Highlands Church for opening its doors. At the same time, the whole notion of dismissing something so fundamental, so clearly written in your Book of Faith, also doesn’t sit well with me. I can just imagine how those who are more closely involved in the issue feel!
What are your thoughts?