I typically refrain from making title-related puns in my reviews, but to be frank, “Rise of the Silver Surfer” totally wipes out. Tim Story’s last Fantastic Four film was an utter disaster of a comic book movie from start to finish. I hadn’t left a comic book movie feeling that disappointed since Ang Lee’s “Hulk”. Well, it pains me to say this, but Story didn’t learn a single thing from the slew of negative responses the first film garnered. Just about everything that made the “Fantastic Four” a chore to watch is present in the sequel as well as a cornucopia of new annoyances and irritations.
Reed Richards AKA Mr. Fantastic (Ioan Gruffudd) and Susan Storm AKA the Invisible Woman (Jessica Alba) are finally getting married. However, the sudden arrival of a mysterious celestial being that causes disasters all across the world has put their wedding plans on hold. It seems this Silver Surfer (played by Doug Jones, voiced by Lawrence Fishburne) is the herald of Galactus, the Devourer or Worlds, and Earth is next on the menu. Reed, Susan and the rest of the Fantastic Four, Johnny Storm AKA the Human Torch (Chris Evans) and Ben Grimm AKA the Thing (Michael Chiklis), must team with their old foe, Dr. Doom (Julian McMahon), to save the world. But Doom has his eye on the Surfer’s board which is in reality the Power Cosmic, the source of the Surfer’s incredible power.
I’m a comic book nerd and I have no compunctions about admitting it. So when I go into a comic book movie, yes, I look for accuracy, but at the same time I try to view the movie from an unbiased perspective and try to understand and appreciate the various changes. Unfortunately, in the case of Tim Story’s Fantastic Four series, these changes aren’t just bad due to inaccuracies to the source, they’re just bad period.
Making Galactus nothing more than an angry storm cloud is unacceptable. So apparently a giant guy in purple spandex and a stupid helmet would be too difficult to bring to life in a live action movie. Well, if you want to do Galactus then find a way to make it work. How? Don’t ask me, I’m not the one being paid millions of dollars to come up with the movie. Making Galactus such a non-character, basically nothing more than a sentient cloud of fire and space dust, is unforgivable.
Then you have the other villains of the film. There’s the sorrowful Silver Surfer who actually has next to no character depth or personality whatsoever. I know he’s supposed to be quiet and enigmatic, but for someone whose name is in the title of the movie, he’s really quite boring. However, he isn’t the real villain of the film. Dr. Doom returns and that laughable yuppie voice he speaks with returns with him. If there’s one thing Story could have changed, why couldn’t he have let Doom speak with a commanding voice while wearing the helmet? I feel like Dr. Doom should be serving me wine at a high-end restaurant, not enslaving humanity. He’s only marginally more threatening once he obtains the Power Cosmic, too. I think Tim Story based this Dr. Doom on the version that appeared in the first season of the 90’s cartoon series. Once he attains the Surfer’s God-like powers he doesn’t unveil any complex hidden agendas or outrageous world-domination schemes…he aspires to do no more than blow shit up. That’s not Dr. Doom. Hell, that’s not even Blastarr.
The movie tries to fit too much into too little a run-time. You’ve got Reed and Sue’s wedding, Johnny getting Super Skrull-like powers, the army recruiting the Fantastic Four, Reed and Sue having doubts about being heroes, Johnny growing up, the Surfer doing stuff, Dr. Doom doing stuff, Galactus hovering ominously overhead…Tim Story has so much he wants to tell but doesn’t have the time nor the directorial skill to tell it all.
As far as the acting and the effects go, it’s all a bit mediocre. I actually don’t mind Gruffudd as Reed, Evans as Johnny or Chiklis as Ben; they actually bring the characters to life fairly well. Jessica Alba has never been a good choice for Sue, though. She plays up the super-bitch aspects of Sue but casts aside all the warmth of the character, making her rather unlikable. It also doesn’t help that with the blonde dye-job, the blue contacts, the layers of make-up and cosmetic enhancements…she basically looks like a mannequin brought to life. The effects are alright, though Reed’s stretching still looks far too fake and cartoonish. The Silver Surfer’s effects were quite good but just about every single action sequence he appears in was used in the trailers and TV spots, so don’t be expecting anything new or exciting when you get to the theater.
I’d say that “Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer” was the biggest disappointment of the summer, but to be honest, I had little hope for this movie from the start. There’s just no real reason I can think of to go see this movie. If you’re a fan of good action movies, then skip it, as it’s very poorly put together. If you’re a fan of the Fantastic Four, then definitely skip it, as it’s a very poorly scripted and poorly conceived adaptation of the comics.
Grade: D-
Ocean’s Thirteen – Review
Heist movies, they’re a lost art. So when the remake of “Ocean’s Eleven” came around several years back and wowed me off my feet I was left with this glorious notion that heist movies were suddenly back and in perfect form. Then the sequel, “Ocean’s Twelve”, came along. I don’t think I’ve seen a worse sequel in theaters since “Jason X”. So naturally, once the trailers for “Ocean’s Thirteen” began invading the preview reels my confidence in the franchise was suitably weakened. Well, let me just say, “Ocean’s Thirteen” is everything “Ocean’s Twelve” should have been and so much more. A more than worthy follow-up to the original, it’s likely to be your best bet for this weekend.
Reuben (Elliot Gould) is in a bit of a jam, as his Vegas hotel partner, Willie Bank (Al Pacino), has double-crossed him, taking everything Reuben owns and leaving the shock to send him into a catatonic state. Reuben’s protégé Danny Ocean (George Clooney) and his gang aren’t about to take this laying down and join back up to get revenge on Bank and restore Reuben’s bank account. Bank’s new casino is opening up and Ocean’s thirteen intend to break the bank, so to speak, by rigging every game in the house. A tough job, but it doesn’t end there. In addition to that, they’re going to have to ruin his chances of winning a Five Diamond award and steal his collection of diamond necklaces from his fortified loft.
Just about everything that lead me to dislike “Ocean’s Twelve” is gloriously absent from this installment. So that means no space-age hologram machines and no fourth wall-shattering plot devices that save the day in the nick of time. And quite possibly the most important change of all: no Julia Roberts. That woman smiles like a horse.
“Ocean’s Thirteen” takes the cast of characters we’ve come to love and returns them to a more familiar setting. However, just because they’re performing another casino heist doesn’t necessarily mean that this film is a retread of “Ocean’s Eleven”. On the contrary, it deviates from the first film for all of its schemes and keeps things nice and fresh. They come up with some very interesting, complex and hilarious methods to rip off the casino and do it with Director Steven Soderbergh’s sense of style and humor.
The cast of familiar faces really carry this movie. Although the headliners of Danny, Rusty (Brad Pitt) and Linus (Matt Damon) undoubtedly receive the most face time, some of the less-appreciated members of the crew get more opportunities to shine. I thought Basher Tarr (Don Cheadle) really came out of top in this film, contributing more than most of the other team members. And Yen (Shaobo Qin) also gets to participate more in the disguise and infiltration aspects of the plot, extending his role past the “hired ninja” he was in the previous installments.
While some high-tech gadgets do come into play in this film, nothing as ridiculous as the aforementioned hologram machine is to be seen. All the technological doodads employed for the job are quite low key and believable, with nothing anymore outrageous than magnetic dice and reprogrammed slot machines. Well, except this one crazy tunneling device, but it’s actually pretty funny and clever and isn’t some sort of space age James Bond machine, either. Soderbergh tries to keep things on the level in order to add a sense of real world credibility to the scheme.
The villain of the film, Bank, is a bit two-dimensional, I’ll admit. Al Pacino delivers a stellar performance (and that should go without saying, he’s Al Pacino), so it’s not his fault. Bank is just sort of an evil jerk for the sake of being an evil jerk, so don’t expect much depth out of him. The villain of the previous two films, Terry Benedict (Andy Garcia), plays a rather pivotal role in the film as a supporter of Ocean’s crew, of all things. They manage his inclusion rather well and he keeps things pretty interesting.
All in all, “Ocean’s Thirteen” is the sequel we should’ve gotten in the first place. It keeps things familiar but always fresh. If “Ocean’s Eleven” was an A, I’d give “Ocean’s Thirteen” a B, for certain.
Grade: B
The Guyver 2: Dark Hero
The original live action Guyver film, as fun as it may have been, was a very poor adaptation of the source material. The script was admirable at times, cramming the first 6 episodes into 90 minutes, but the tone and atmosphere was all wrong. The original film was played off as a goofy comedy parody, leaving many Guyver fans rather disappointed. Luckily, Guyver 2: Dark Hero came along shortly afterward with story and direction more befitting of the original manga and anime.
It’s been a year since Sean Barker (David Hayter) became the Guyver, a superhero bonded to a powerful alien control metal called a “bio-booster armor”, and seemingly destroyed the Kronos Corporation and their legions of Zoanid mutants. However, life has not been well for Sean. Between crimefighting, he has been plagued by awful, violent nightmares. His girlfriend, Mizuki, unable to deal with Sean’s new life, has left him. Distraught, Sean packs his things and hits the road in hopes of finding an answer. His travels lead him to a secluded wilderness area where, unbeknownst to him, an alien spaceship, belonging to the same race which created his control metal, crash-landed centuries ago. The Kronos Corporation, now under the command of a new Zoalord, has been dispatched to take the alien remains as well as the prize within: a new control metal! Sean must fight his way through a horde of Zoanoids and get to the ship before the Kronos lackies do, otherwise he’ll have to face an evil Guyver with all his own powers and more!
Okay, this is gonna sound real confusing, but I’ll try and map it out as best I can. The first Guyver film was a loose adaptation of the first six episodes of the anime. The Guyver 2 is a loose adaptation of the second episode of the anime. In the second episode of the anime, a Kronos lacky named Lisker got ahold of the second control metal and became the Guyver II. However, in the first Guyver movie, that angle was dropped for Lisker’s character. Instead, he was just another Zoanoid who ended up being killed at the end of the film. In Guyver 2: Dark Hero, they adapt the concept of an evil Guyver, but with Lisker’s character dead, they create a new bad guy to get the bio-booster armor. The Guyver II as he appears in the film also bears little to no resemblance to the Guyver II as he appeared in the anime.
Even with the cast changes (Sean Barker was played by Jack Armstrong in the first film) and the dropping of key characters, like Mizuki, I find the Guyver 2 to be an all-around superior film to the original. As an adaptation it’s much more respectful of the source material, but as a film in-general it’s a lot easier to stomach.
The budget is noticeably lower than in the original, so the special effects aren’t quite as constantly in-your-face. There are less Zoanoids in this film than in the original but the ones you do get to see are noticeably nastier and more menacing (no rapping Jimmy Walker monsters in *this* movie). The gore is pretty good, with Zoanoids getting decapitated, having their arms broken, eyes gouged out, stabbed in the gut, melted and all sorts of other horrible things done to them. This is much more of a horror-scifi flick, so with the comedy element dropped they’re free to let the blood flow like wine. Probably the most impressive design is the Guyver II who looks very detailed and unique, yet still Guyver-like. The fight choreography for the final battle is also very intense. Unfortunately, some of Sean’s transformation sequences are done with 1994-quality CGI, which is very much a bad-thing.
I’d recommend Guyver II to fans more than I’d recommend the original. If you’re familiar enough with the animated series you can honestly just skip the first flick. It’s a rehash of what you’ve already seen only done with silly comedy bits. Guyver 2, however, is 90% original story with a much darker and more appropriate atmosphere.
Grade: B
Dragonball Z movie 7: “Super Android 13!”
“Super Android 13” doesn’t appear to be one of the more popular Dragonball Z films, though it’s one of my personal favorites in a “guilty pleasure” sort of way. I find it rather underrated and enjoy it mostly for the reasons people seem to hate it. “Super Android 13” is cheesier than other Dragonball Z films (if you can comprehend that), but at the same time it’s pretty self-aware that it’s so goofy. It’s not one of the best installments in the series, but I always have a fun time watching it.
The mad Dr. Gero of the Red Ribbon Army may be dead, but his evil lives on within a super computer of his own design. The computer crafts three new killer robots, Androids 13, 14 and 15, respectively. Their primary function: Kill Goku. The androids waste little time tracking Goku down and quickly engage him in a fierce battle. Goku’s comrades, Gohan, Krillen, Vegeta, Piccolo and the Super Saiyan from the future, Trunks, all pop in to lend a hand.
When Funimation first began dubbing Dragonball Z I was very displeased. Gradually, the voice actors grew on me with their own individual character quirks and I came to accept them. Still, I wasn’t suitably impressed with their efforts…until I saw this movie. This is one of the cheesier Dragonball Z films and the people at Funimation knew it, so as a result, the voice acting reflects it. And it’s a total riot. They had me snickering when the diminutive Android 15 showed up speaking gangsta jive, but I nearly erupted with laughter once the title villain appeared, spewing a heavy redneck dialect (“the Red Ribbon Redneck”, as Trunks calls him). They have a lot of fun with the voice acting in this film which really adds to the entertainment value. I probably wouldn’t like this movie as much as I do if it weren’t for the voice gags.
I’m also not typically a fan of the new music recorded for the English dub, but I rather like this one. They play this funky track for Androids 14 and 15 when they first enter the city and it just adds to the humorous tone. They also dub in a few “extra” lines that make me snicker, like that last bit between Vegeta and Piccolo at the very end. “Is it over?” “Not until the fish jumps.” *fish jumps* “Okay, it’s over.” *roll credits*
The fight scenes in “Super Android 13” aren’t really the best in the franchise, though they do manage one effect in this film which outdoes all the others: the ricochets. Characters are getting tossed around and sent bouncing off the surrounding environments like ping pong balls. The animation is good, though not really theatrical quality. I noticed a few errors here and there, but nothing too distracting.
As for the villains, aside from the humorous dubbing, I suppose they really aren’t that special. Android 15 is pretty funny with his gangsta voice and alcoholism, though his outfit is pretty stupid. Android 14 comes out the weakest of the lot, with no notable character quirks of any kind. Android 13, the lead villain, steals the show with his trucker appearance and heavy Southern drawl. The bit where he goes “Super Android” for the final battle is one of the lamer transformations in the series, with him just turning blue and sprouting orange spikey hair. He didn’t really have any impressive special attacks, either.
While the dubbing won me over, I can’t ignore some of the lamer parts of the movie. I’m getting pretty sick and tired of the Spirit Bomb Solution. They manage to use it in a slightly more creative fashion in this film, with Goku absorbing the energy into his body rather than just lobbing it at the enemy in the form of an energy ball. Still, it’s getting boring. I was also damn annoyed by the amount of comedy relief humor involving Krillen. It’s embarrassing to watch one of my favorite characters get turned into such a panty waist.
In all honesty, this is a pretty bad Dragonball Z flick but dressed up with a lot of self-parody and cheesy dubbing to mask the poor story and less-than-stellar animation. To its credit, they mask the set-backs rather well. I give “Super Android 13” a C as far as Dragonball Z movies go.
Grade: C
Ghostbusters II
Ghostbusters II tends to be the source of much criticism from fans. Some say they didn’t like it because of the pacing, some say it was the story, others say the villain, yet the most common explanation I hear as to why so many dislike the film is “Because it wasn’t as good as the original”. I have to say, that answer always strikes me as being a bit unfair. The original Ghostbusters is one of the finest comedies ever made, many can agree on that, and trying to trump it with a sequel just wasn’t going to happen.
5 years after the battle with Gozer, the Ghostbusters have been forced out of business thanks to a series of class-action lawsuits. Making ends meet in their own individual fashions, the Ghostbusters are brought back together when their former client, Dana Barrett (Sigourney Weaver), asks them to investigate a strange happening involving her infant son, Oscar. Peter (Bill Murray), immediately dedicates himself to solving Dana’s problem in a bid to win back her affection, as Ray (Dan Aykroyd), Egon (Harold Ramis) and Winston (Ernie Hudson) get back in the paranormal investigation-game. It would appear that Vigo the Carpathian, a warlock and tyrant from ancient times, is trapped within a portrait in the Metropolitan Museum of Art (also Dana’s workplace) and intends to resurrect himself through Oscar. The Ghostbusters gear-up for a big comeback, as legions of evil spirits once again invade New York City.
I won’t argue that Ghostbusters II is inferior to the original, but I won’t overreact like so many others and label it a “bad movie”. Ghostbusters II is still funny, well-acted, has great special effects and lots of awesome monsters. The full cast reunion is a wonderful thing, as everyone, even Louis (Rick Moranis) and Janine (Annie Potts) are brought back for another round. None of the actors have lost any of their comedic talent and still play off one another as brilliantly as they did in the original. The humor in this film is fantastic, and really, is the least of the film’s problems. Most people don’t knock Ghostbusters II for the humor since it really is very funny.
As a villain, Vigo is a bit lackluster and at times can feel like a retread of Gozer the Traveler. The final battle with Vigo is also a remarkable let-down. But, while Vigo may not have been the best ghost in the movie, there are plenty of others to keep you from getting bored. The special effects this time around were provided by ILM, the Star Wars-people, which means absolutely brilliant quality. The Scalari Bros are a great example of the special effects used on the ghosts to make them look more convincing than the ones from the first film. Slimer, who returns for this film, also looks fantastic, though he’s gained quite a bit of weight between the two films. The kid in me just can’t get enough Slimer. Like the first film, the ghosts and horror effects can range from “goofy” (but in a good way) to down-right dark and gothic. I found the scene in the subway tunnel with all the severed heads mounted on spikes to be particularly nasty for a movie so often advertised as a “family film”. And, in regards to Vigo, while he may not have been such a great badguy, he at least looked cool thanks to some great special effects which gave him this weird, bluring “after image” effect.
One of my personal major complaints with the film is the almost criminal under-use of Winston. On many occasions, the script seems to go out of its way to exclude him from scenes. While he was a well-developed characted in the animated series, in the films, he’s a bit of a third wheel. You never find out what he did to make ends meet in the 5 year interim (save for doing birthday gigs with Ray on the side) and he’s not only completely missing from the street-digging sequence, but pointlessly removed from the courtroom scene with the Scalari Bros. Winston even shows up in the courtroom, talks to the Ghostbusters on trial and can be seen sitting in the background. However, once the Scalari Bros attack, Winston disappears. It always bothered me that they went out of their way not to use him.
I suppose what Ghostbusters II needs, which would really enhance the film and finally satisfy nay-sayers, is a “Director’s Cut”. There were many scenes that were finished, special effects and all, which wound-up on the cutting room floor for reasons of time. As a result, characters and plot-twists can take a nosedive into the realm of “WTF?” For instance, all of Louis’ extra scenes in the Firehouse, where he interacts with Slimer and Janine, were cut. These scenes set up his desire to become a Ghostbuster, his budding romance with Janine and his rivalry with Slimer. With these scenes absent, Louis’ ambition to become a Ghostbuster at the end of the film seems purely out of the blue, as does Janine’s sudden desire to sleep with him (makes her look like a total slut). Also, the bit where Louis is so surprised that Slimer is willing to help him get to the Museum at the end loses a lot of comedic value, as Louis was *supposed* to spend the bulk of the movie trying to catch Slimer. Another missing scene takes place after the Ghostbusters first investigate the museum and Ray becomes hypnotized. While driving away, Ray attempts to crash the Ecto-1A and kill all the Ghostbusters. He eventually snaps out of it, but Vigo maintains his hold on Ray throughout the film. With this scene deleted, Ray’s possession by Vigo at the film’s climax seems especially random and, well, stupid. If these scenes could be edited back into the film it would flow much more smoothly.
Ghostbsuters II is, I admit, an inferior sequel. Yet, sequels can be inferior to the originals yet still be *good*…just not as good. That’s how I feel about Ghostbusters II. I enjoy the film, I love seeing all the actors reprise their classic characters, and I totally dig the special effects. Ghostbusters II is worth a B, if you ask me.
Grade: B