Ah, now we’re getting somewhere. As I mentioned in the review for Friday the 13th part II, the Friday the 13th franchise is a gradual evolution, with the end-result being the Jason Voorhees that pop culture recognizes. Friday the 13th part III introduces easily the most important aspect of Jason’s image: his hockey mask.
Jason, having survived the machete buried in his shoulder at the climax of the previous film, shakes off the defeat and goes about his merry way, killing stupid kids that won’t stay off his property. This time around, a handful of rowdy teenagers rent a farmhouse out near Crystal Lake for a weekend of mischief. Jason won’t stand for that, and after retrieving a hockey mask from the lovable prankster, Shelly (Larry Zerner), Jason goes bat-s*** crazy all over again.
Steve Miner returns for another round of directing duties and molds Jason’s image even further. While I didn’t hate the burlap sack, I can’t deny, nobody sports the hockey mask better than Jason (not even Casey Jones). Friday the 13th part III was originally released in theaters in 3D during the big resurgence in 3D movies back in the 80’s (Amityville 3D, Jaws 3D, etc). This makes for some special effects that fall very flat when forced to watch them on video. Most of the 3D effects look either extraordinarily stupid or extraordinarily fake. Probably the worst offenders are the rattlesnake, the flying eyeball and the harpoon; on all of which you can clearly see the operating wires.
The dated 3D effects are one of the major detractors of the film while the other one would have to be the acting. Now, I won’t say that anybody who watches an 80’s slasher flick should go in expecting Oscar-worthy performances, but all I request is that the acting not be so bad it gives me ulcers. Well, they’re all really bad. Particularly “Rick”, his observations about male sexual needs while hoisting hay into the barn is outrageously hard to listen to. However, Larry Zerner isn’t so bad and he’s probably the one victim you’ll remember from the whole film.
Now, what do we all watch Friday the 13th films for? Answer: the kills. Part III has a number of good kills, like hot pokers, machetes and pitch forks to the gut, but it also has *the* kill. There are a lot of awesome kills throughout the franchise, like the sleeping bag kill from Part VII or Julius’ decapitation from Part VIII, but the one most-noteworthy kill in Part III ranks as my all-time favorite. A character named “Andy”, while standing on his hands, gets cleaved in two from the crotch to his shoulder. The kill is edited perfectly, with the best camera angles (Andy looking upward at Jason with his machete raised in the air), believable special effects and is just so magnificently brutal you’ll have to rewind your video and watch it over and over.
Friday the 13th part III, despite having some good kills and making probably the most important costume-decision in the entire franchise, is brought down solely by the painfully bad 3D effects and the painfully bad acting. I give it a C mostly due to that hardcore kill.
Grade: C
Ultimate Avengers 2
The greatest set-back of the first installment of the Ultimate Avengers animated franchise was the lack of character development or depth of any kind. Like most team-based movies which have to introduce a large cast with limited time, most characters don’t exceed their standard template or most noteworthy qualities. Ultimate Avengers 2, having already established the cast, gets to work fleshing them out into people you might actually care about. It doesn’t do a spectacular job, but it does make them more believable and likeable.
In the isolated African nation of Wakanda, the Nazi General Kleiser (thought deceased) has been stirring up trouble. T’chaka, the Ruler of Wakanda, perishes at his hand, passing the torch as well as the mantle of Black Panther to his son, T’Challa. It gets even worse when Krieger summons the entire Chitauri alien armada (from the previous film) to invade Wakanda. Black Panther goes against his society’s ancient traditions and contacts the Western world, specifically the Avengers, for assistance. The Avengers aren’t getting along, however. Captain America is terminally depressed, Iron Man’s health is failing, Thor is on the bad side of Odin, Bruce Banner has been imprisoned for his rampage as the Hulk and Giant Man and the Wasp are having serious marital problems. If they want to defeat Kleiser, they’ll need to pull their **** together. Um…again.
While the first Ultimate Avengers film combined and adapted the storyline of the first volume of Marvel’s the Ultimates comic book series, Ultimate Avengers 2 is nearly a completely new story. So fans of the comic series can look forward to some new material with only a few elements from the second volume of the comic thrown in. This worked out surprisingly well, as the story is pretty engaging and follows up on the open-ended plotlines of the first film admirably.
I’ve never been a big fan of the Black Panther. Not that I hate the guy, I’ve just never been interested-enough in the character to read any of his comics. This was one of my first real, serious exposures to the T’Challa and I have to admit, I found myself liking him. There were a few elements of the character they didn’t bother explaining in the movie (where did the mystical panther power come from) but I assume a Wikipedia search can answer those nagging questions. The nation of Wakanda was handled well and they work several of its key characteristics (the advanced technology and isolationism) into the film’s established story elements with a decent amount of creativity.
The Avengers from the previous film have more time to themselves in this movie, though a few get a greater spotlight than others. Black Widow, aside from apparently being in love with Captain America, is utterly devoid of any strong character moments, as is Nick Fury. Iron Man has a plot point left open (his health problems) which will be followed-up in the Iron Man solo movie, which will act as a prequel to the first Ultimate Avengers. The Wasp and Giant Man’s marital troubles have been toned down a LOT from their comic book counterpart, so don’t expect anything especially shocking. Still, they were played out fairly well, along with Thor, Cap and Banner. There’s a nice twist to the ending, as well. Maybe not “Oh my God!”-shocking, but a decent turn in the plot.
The animation seemed a bit better than in the last film, though still nothing approaching theatrical quality. The action sequences are animated exceptionally well, but I’m still not a big fan of some of the character designs. The action in the movie is surprisingly violent; you’ll find that out in the first five minutes. A considerable amount of blood is sent splattering, and since the Chitauri are aliens, the animators are free to do all sorts of grotesque and horrible things to them and get by with a PG-13 rating.
The extras on the DVD are alright. You get a half hour documentary focusing solely on the history of the Ultimates comic book. A nice improvement over the documentary from the previous DVD, focusing solely on George Perez’s big fat ego. Mark Millar clears up a number of plot points and tells some good anecdotes. I particularly liked the story behind the backlash to the “Do you think this letter on my forehead stands for France!?” one-liner. There’s also sneak peeks at the upcoming Iron Man prequel as well as a Doctor Strange movie. Those should be interesting.
Overall, Ultimate Avengers 2 was an improvement over the first installment, but only marginally so. At times I felt like I was watching the exact same movie. It gets a solid B rating, but they still haven’t approached any A-material, yet.
Grade: B
Return of the Living Dead part III
I’m not sure where to begin with this one. Return of the Living Dead part III is a fantastic horror movie with a creative spin on the zombie genre. Its only problem is that it doesn’t actually FEEL like a Return of the Living Dead flick since there isn’t a shred of dark comedy in the whole movie. In fact, it’s terribly depressing.
But the fact that it was so depressing is what makes the movie so exciting and engaging, in my opinion. The ending will come as a real shock. There are no winners, the good guys don’t save the day, and it isn’t done tongue-in-cheek style, either (like the ending to the first film in the franchise). It was very sad, but fit the tone of the movie like a glove and never took the cheap way out. You have to respect that about the movie; it never pulls its punches.
There weren’t very many zombies in the flick, as it instead placed the spotlight on a single zombie and her attempt to over-come the psychotic urges for the sake of her boyfriend. We don’t really get a zombie massacre until the ending. This bored me at first, but once I understood the movie (and that there wasn’t going to be any comedy) I really got attached to the characters and actually felt sorry for their predicament. That made the ending all the more powerful.
The Tarman only has a brief cameo at the very end when all the zombies start crawling out of the 245 Trioxcide barrels. Though the Tarman is the staple character of the series (even if it’s a different Tarman in each movie), I’m glad they made his cameo as short as it was. This was a completely different type of movie than the other installments of the franchise.
The DVD is just like Part II; a director’s commentary (which I didn’t listen to), a trailer for the film and a marvelous picture transfer.
The movie probably would be held in a higher regard if it wasn’t titled “Return of the Living Dead”, as it betrays the jovial atmosphere of all the other installments. But looking past that inconsistency, it’s a fresh and creative zombie film I’d instantly recommend to any fan of the genre.
I’d give it a C+. As a Return of the Living Dead film it meshes poorly with the other installments, but the pacing, acting and characters (especially Riverman) are all well-developed and executed effectively.
Grade: C+
Return of the Living Dead part II
Ugh, this movie was just as bad as everyone says it is. But that can’t be too hard to believe, can it? Which is a real shame, too, as the original Return of the Living Dead is one of the best zombie movies, not only of its time, but ever. Its also one of the funniest dark comedies available that never shoves too much slapstick down your throat but never takes itself too seriously, either.
The sequel? Not so much.
First off, any time a horror movie decides to make a kid or kids the star it usually ends up a nightmare to watch. Mostly because the kids can’t act; and these kids COULDN’T act. Well, all except for “The Guy who Played Tommy Jarvis in Friday the 13th Part VI”. He was cool.
The original “Return” was a perfect blend of horror, special effects and very dark comedy. This one was an over-the-top comedy that just wasn’t funny at all. Honestly, the talking severed head with a southern accent? Who the Hell laughed at that? “Git dat gosh dang screw drivah outta mah head!” Lame, just lame.
I dug that we got to see another Tarman when they first break open the tank, but it’s a shame he only got about 1 minute of screentime. He didn’t look as good as the Tarman from the first flick, anyway. Still, whether it’s “the” Tarman or “a” Tarman, he’s still the mascot of the franchise and I’m glad we got to see a version of him.
And speaking of the zombies, anybody notice that they kept reusing the same zombies over and over again, even after they got their heads blown up or run over in previous scenes? The one male zombie in the black and white suit with shoulder-length black hair kept showing up over and over again. I swear, they caved his skull in a half dozen times.
The DVD is pretty decent for such a poor movie, though. A director’s commentary (which I haven’t listened to), a trailer and a really good picture transfer. Not that the movie deserved such a fancy presentation.
The one thing I will say I like about the Return of the Living Dead franchise is the concept of a Zombie Anthology Series, centered around the various missing canisters of 245 Trioxcide and the zombie-related effects they have on those who open them up. It’s a cool concept that provides so much potential, yet sadly, most of the sequels squander it. Especially this one.
I’d give the movie an F. There were some decent zombie effects, particularly the bit in the hospital when the zombie gets sliced in half but crawls around anyway. However it goes overboard with the slapstick comedy and only manages to deliver maybe 2 or 3 solid laughs, total.
Grade: F
Clerks II
There weren’t very many movies this summer that I found myself excited about. There were a few action-oriented films that tickled my fancy (Silent Hill, X-Men 3, Snakes on a Plane) but no comedies that captured my interests. Except one. Clerks II is the film I’d been waiting for ever since it was announced at the end of the credits for Dogma. Of all the “View Askewniverse” entries, the original Clerks remains my favorite. When you spend over half a decade of your life working in a retail outlet, dealing with the horror that is the general public, movies like Clerks really speak to you. Especially if you spent those years working in video stores, like I did. So, did Clerks II invoke within my bosom that warm and fuzzy feeling like the original did?
Absolutely.
Before I get too far ahead with annoying life stories and what-not, I’ll lay down the plot of the film for you. The Quick-Stop and RST Video outlets in New Jersey are gone, and Dante Hicks has finally decided its time to grow up and move on to a “real” life. He gets engaged to a pretty girl named Emma who is willing to take him down to Florida and give him a “real” job working at one of her parents’ carwashes. Although Emma and Dante don’t really get one-another, Dante just wants to seize any opportunity he can find to move on. To make ends meet until then, Dante and his buddy Randal Graves are flipping burgers at a Mooby’s fast food restaurant. Flipping the burgers with them are Becky, Dante’s boss and one-time lover, and Elias, a socially awkward teenage loser who is obsessed with Lord of the Rings and the Transformers. What follows is plenty of hilarious social commentary, pop culture minutia, antics from Jay & Silent Bob and the lead characters figuring out what they really want out of life.
Clerks II doesn’t require one to have seen every installment in the View Askew franchise. It helps to a degree, but this film has more in common with the first installment (to which it is a direct sequel) than the rest of the films. References to those films are few and far-between (Dogma and Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back being the only major references) and don’t directly effect the plot. Clerks II is also a bit more grounded in “reality”, avoiding most of the silly/stupid slapstick humor of Jay & Silent Bob Strike Back and Mallrats. There is one wacky musical number in the middle of the film, but don’t worry, it’s awesome. Also, Clerks II is 99.9% Ben Affleck-free, with Mr. Affleck only receiving a single line of dialogue and about a total minute’s worth of screen time. Praise the Lord!
Like most Kevin Smith films, the humor has a broad range of appeal. You’ve got crude humor that’ll make many a person cringe, nonsensical humor for the Monty Python crowd, pop culture observations for those who are “with it”, topical humor for the politically incorrect audience and plenty of nerd humor for the internet geeks of the world. This is one of Smith’s strongest suits, as there’s something for everyone to laugh at in this movie. And I feel I need to add, “porch monkey” is ten times funnier when Kevin Michael Richardson screams it at the top of his lungs.
But there’s more going on in this film than just a bunch of stupid jokes and pop culture references. Whether it was intentional or not, Dante’s crisis in many ways mimics the career of Kevin Smith. Dante wants to move on from retail employment, get married and live a “real” life, the life that is expected from him by society. A person in their mid 30’s just isn’t supposed to be working at a mini-mart or a fast food joint. However, Dante finds his true calling by the film’s conclusion. Kevin Smith started out making comedies until eventually he decided to move on to “serious” film making because that’s what was expected of him. However, his attempts to do just that resulted in the disastrous debacle that was “Jersey Girl”. With Clerks II, Kevin Smith seems to have decided to screw what was “expected of him” and treat movie-goers to something he’s truly talented at, comedy with a splash of meaningful subtext.
The notorious pop culture dissection didn’t seem quite as prevalent this time around as it was in the original film. They rip apart the likes of Lord of the Rings and, especially, the Transformers. Although I am a big Transformers fan, I still have a sense of humor, and found most of the jokes at the expense of one of my favorite hobbies really funny. Jay & Silent Bob get about as much screentime as they did in the original movie and never actually steal the show. However, they do interact more with Dante and Randal, which I enjoyed, as I kind of like seeing them get along.
While the original Clerks is my favorite installment in the View Askew franchise, Clerks II comes in at a close second. I may not enjoy every film in the series, but I thoroughly enjoyed this one. And I’m sure most anyone will, too. Clerks II gets a B+. Kevin Smith deserved every second of that 8 minute standing ovation.
Grade: B+