A teeny-bopper re-imagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s “Rear Window” starring a hip young cast of relevant trendsetters? Just what I’ve always wanted! I hope Director/Dance Lieutenant Boom Shaka Laka D.J. Caruso follows up this effort with a remake of “Vertigo” starring Justin Timberlake, or perhaps yet another remake of “Psycho”, but this time headlining Ashley Simpson!
Okay, okay, I’ve had my fun. Truthfully, “Disturbia” wasn’t nearly as bad as all that. While the “teeny-bopper re-imagining of Alfred Hitchcock’s ‘Rear Window’” is entirely honest, “Disturbia” is surprisingly watchable for what it is.
After losing his dad in a car accident, teenage boy Kale (Shia LaBeouf) develops anger issues which eventually lead him to three months of house arrest. If he attempts to leave his front lawn a sensor will trip and police will arrive to kick the mortal Hell out of him. To pass the time, Kale and his Studio Mandated Ethnic Friend (Aaron Yoo) take to voyeurism. While spying on his new neighbor, Ashley (Sarah Roemer), Kale is spotted. Like most teenage girls, Ashley is turned on by the thought of a creepy young man watching her with binoculars from across the street and the two immediately fall in love. But there is something disturbing going on in suburbia (get it!?), namely a spooky old man named Mr. Turner (David Morse) whom the trio of teenage peeping toms spy murdering someone. Well, they think they saw him murdering someone. It was kinda hard to tell, but c’mon, the guy mows his lawn twice a day, he’s got to be a serial killer. So the kids investigate this local terror, stuff gets scary and people die. Or do they? Aha, see how that works? That’s the hook! Genius.
I know, I know, you’ve seen it all before in “Rear Window”, its ill-conceived remake starring Superman and the jillions of parodies made over the decades. So, what does “Disturbia” have to offer the formula in order to make this version necessary? Not much, really.
The movie tries to be, like “Rear Window”, a mystery suspense thriller leaving the audience to wonder whether Mr. Turner is really a maniac or not. Unfortunately, the marketing campaign for the film thought that would be too boring and is thus considerably less ambiguous about the villain’s mental health, showing the audience some key scenes that pretty much spoil all of the “mystery”. So, that makes this a “mystery suspense thriller” with the “mystery” ruined and the “suspense” considerably diluted. We’re not getting off to a good start, here.
Alright, so those things aside, is it any good? Well, it’s not awful. They take the “Rear Window” formula and spice it up with some modern technology which does add to the “thriller” aspect. Portable video cameras and cell-phones provide a good bit of suspense, even with the mystery aspect wasted. The acting isn’t half bad. Shia LaBeouf plays the angsty youth quite well and David Morse hardly skips a beat as the creepy neighbor. I mean, they’re good, but not really impressive. They just play the roles well-enough to keep the audience from cringing or rolling their eyes or dropping out of the experience. Sarah Roemer is the weaker link of the cast. It seems MC Caruso McDancealot was going more for looks than acting prowess when he selected her.
What it all boils down to is that “Disturbia” is a “wait until HBO” flick, or a “bored out of my skull” rental at the very best. It’s not terrible, but it’s just not special.
Grade: C
The Reaping – Review
Although the trailers came across as a bit iffy, I felt that the concept of “the Reaping” showed a lot of promise. I didn’t go into the film with all sorts of false hopes and high expectations, but I did give it the benefit of the doubt; something I can’t say many other people in my city did, considering the relatively empty theater I saw it in. Now that I’ve seen the flick, I have to confess, “the Reaping” is pretty mediocre.
Katherine Winter (Hilary Swank) is a former minister who turned her back on God after the death of her family and now devotes her life to traveling the world and proving reported miracles as false (not petty at all). She is approached by Doug (David Morrissey) of the backwater Louisiana town of Haven who has a startling claim: the swamp in Haven has turned completely to blood. Accompanied by her partner, Ben (Idris Elba), Katherine arrives at Haven only to encounter a series of biblical plagues, each with completely unexplainable origins. At the epicenter of the plagues is a little girl (AnnaSophia Robb) who may or may not be the Anti-Christ.
I found the idea behind “the Reaping” to be very intriguing: the ten biblical plagues tormenting a small town in the Bible Belt. Unfortunately, what could have been a fascinating story turned into just another generic Hollywood horror flick, filled with mundane jump-scares, over-the-top special effects and needless explosions. Sometimes less is more, ya know. “The Reaping” left me wishing it had been made in the 70’s or early 80’s where a lack of budget and special effects might have left it to rely more on a strong script exploring the mystery behind the bizarre plagues rather than jillions of CGI locusts and a ridiculously effects-heavy ending. One day I’ll finish that time machine and make my dream a reality. One day…
There are some upsides to this film, though. The cast is quite strong and they all play their parts convincingly. The characters can be a bit “blech” thanks to moments of convenient and awkward exposition, but the actors do the best with what they have. While I’m not normally a fan of child actors and actresses, AnnaSophia Robb has been impressing me lately with movies such as “Charlie and the Chocolate Factory” and “the Bridge to Terabithia”. She looks to have a very bright future ahead of her. In regards to “the Reaping”, while it’s not that great of a movie, she plays the part of the creepy little girl rather well.
There just isn’t much for me to say about “the Reaping” because it just isn’t much of a movie. It takes a potentially interesting concept and turns it into a string of clichés. You’re better off seeing “Grindhouse” this weekend and waiting for “the Reaping” to hit cable. You’re really not missing anything.
Grade: C-
Grindhouse – Review
Robert Rodriguez’s and Quentin Tarantino’s “Grindhouse” harkens back to the days of 70’s snuff films and the theaters which showed them. I know, I know, “Quentin Tarantino doing a retro 1970’s film? NO WAY!!” Yeah, it may be Tarantino’s “thing”, but at least he’s good at it. Usually. Personally, I love snuff films and obscure horror flicks of the 70’s, like “Cannibal Holocaust”, “Last House on the Left”, “The Texas Chainsaw Massacre” and so on. So of course I got a kick out of this film.
“Grindhouse” goes out of its way to replicate the authenticity of the underground snuff theaters of the era, going so far as to include fake trailers for hilariously awful/awesome horror films, directed by current horror icons like Rob Zombie and Eli Roth. You’ve also got advertisements for “local” restaurants and vintage “now our feature presentation/coming attractions” bumpers. Boosting the “retro” look of the films themselves are the intentional use of grain, flickering, skipping and humorously placed “sorry, reel missing” cards. Trust me, it’s great.
When the trailers and television spots refer to “Grindhouse” as a double feature, they aren’t kidding. These aren’t two short films run back-to-back, these are two full-length films run back-to-back. So eat something before you head out, because there’s no intermission.
The first film, “Planet Terror”, is the big snuff piece, packing in as much gratuitous sex and violence as an R-rating will allow. It would seem that a rogue military unit lead by Lt. Muldoon (Bruce Willis) have botched an attempt to purchase a deadly mutagenic nerve gas and accidentally unleashed it upon a small Texas town. The town begins to swarm with flesh-eating mutant zombies, which is never a good sign. An enigmatic sharp-shooter named Wray (Freddy Rodriguez) bands together with peg-legged go-go dancer Cherry Darling (Rose McGowen), grizzled sheriff Hague (Michael Biehn) and his dopey deputy Tolo (Tom Savini) to get to the root of the problem and stop the zombies at their source. Along the way, Wray crafts Cherry a machine gun/missile launcher leg and things get crazy (er).
I felt Robert Rodriguez’s “Planet Terror” was the stronger of the two films, or at least the most entertaining. It’ll be the one you leave the theater talking about, at any rate. It’s completely over-the-top in every conceivable way and absolutely unforgiving. You’d better have a strong stomach, otherwise you won’t make it very far. “Planet Terror” seems like more of a parody movie than an homage, with lots of textbook characters that play their clichéd roles more for laughs than anything else. So when this movie’s bad, it’s usually on purpose. While it can get a bit too silly for its own good, it’s still a blast. The finale, where Cherry goes apes*** with her new leg, is an absolute blast.
The second segment, “Deathproof” (directed by Tarantino), takes itself far more seriously and is considerably more low-key. So low-key, in fact, you can take a twenty minute-long bathroom break and not miss a freakin’ thing.
Stuntman Mike (Kurt Russel) likes to get his kicks by picking on helpless women out on the open road in his supped-up hotrod. It’s easy for him, considering his car is a former stunt vehicle and therefore “deathproof”. Mike successfully murders woman after woman…until he targets the wrong trio of ladies (Rosario Dawson, Zoe Bell, Tracie Thoms). Not to be f***ed with, these ladies turn the tables on Mike and take him on the ride of his life.
Tarantino took a rather interesting approach with this film, one that will likely bore many to tears. “Deathproof” can be broken up into two halves and in both segments, Tarantino lets the audience get to know the victims very intimately. This can get very, very boring. The first half is particularly irritating, as the pay-off after the extensive bar sequence is very minimal. The second half is even more torturous, as we have to get to know a whole new set of characters and suffer through a barrage of meaningless “girl talk” again. However, the second half rewards the audience for their patience with a very long and very impressive car chase sequence. Regardless, there’s so much empty space in “Deathproof” that you can safely take a bathroom break for however long you please and not fret over missing anything important.
The fake trailers in-between the two movies are hysterical, leaving me with hopes that they make a sequel and include these concepts. I mean, “Werewolf Women of the SS” starring Nicolas Cage and Bill Moseley? I’ll take eight tickets, please.
“Grindhouse” is a whole lot of fun and a total bargain at that. Two full length films for the price of one? Can’t beat that with a stick. While the second film is a bit weak, the first absolutely makes up for it. I highly recommend seeing this movie since, c’mon, you know everyone’s gonna be talking about it on Monday.
Grade (“Planet Terror”): B+
Grade (“Deathproof”): C
Shooter (2007) – Review
Antoine Fuqua’s “Shooter” exists primarily to fill the year’s quota of generic, derivative action-thrillers. A text book “popcorn movie” from start to finish, the audience will likely fill their bellies on the smorgasbord of explosions, but the wafer-thin plot will leave them with an empty feeling inside. Then again, that’s exactly what a popcorn movie is supposed to do.
Bob Lee Swagger (Mark Wahlberg) was the best sniper the government had. But when a mission in Ethiopia went wrong and his partner was killed, Swagger decided to hang up his rifle for good and file himself away in the mountains. Three years later, Colonel Isaac Johnson (Danny Glover) tracks him down to extend a request from the government. They believe that there’s going to be an attempt on the President’s life by a highly-skilled sniper and only an equally skilled sniper can help them prevent the tragedy. Swagger reluctantly offers his services, but on the day of the suspected assassination, Johnson turns on him and Swagger finds himself framed for a murder he didn’t commit. On the run, Swagger seeks to mete out justice to those responsible for his predicament.
So yes, “Shooter” would have just been better titled “Every Action Movie Ever Made”. I believe Director Antoine Fuqua just had a checklist of action movie clichés and gradually marked them off one at a time during the filming process. My first instinct was to say that this movie was similar to “Commando”, only with a cookie-cutter conspiracy plot tacked on and no ‘roid-raging maniac picking up a phone booth and hurling at the enemy. Said conspiracy plot is so hackneyed it could make Michael Bay blush, offering nothing deeper than “there are people in the Government framing innocents and doing STUFF!” Not especially thought-provoking.
The action is likely what you’ll be seeing the film for, and I’ll say, it has its ups and downs. Being a movie about snipers, most of the action elements are going to be guys sitting at vantage points, shooting the enemy. That can be fun and is usually coupled with some Metal Gear Solid-style stealth missions. In all honesty, most of the action sequences made me feel like I was sitting in my living room playing my PS2. The action is serviceable but nothing ground-breaking.
If “Shooter” had one saving grace, I suppose it would be the cast. Wahlberg isn’t especially great as the main hero, but he does alright. Well, except for that scene where Johnson asks him if he’s in and Wahlberg responds by donning a pair of sunglasses, smirking at Johnson and then walking toward the camera in slow motion. South Park is going to have a field day with that bullshit.
Danny Glover plays the lead villain and delivers his usual performance, which is fine, ‘cause I like him. However, I dunno if he did it on purpose or if my head just isn’t screwed on quite right, but he had a real bad lisp going on throughout the movie. Michael Pena plays rogue FBI agent Nick Memphis who gets in to deep and is forced to team-up with Wahlberg to save the day. The character was supposed to be rather whiney and green, so to that end Pena did a fine job. Something which surprised me and likely no one else was Elias Koteas as a scummy agent/rapist working for the bad guys. It was a little jarring seeing Casey Jones from the original “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” movies playing such an evil dude, but entertaining at the same time.
“Shooter” is what it is: an utterly run-of-the-mill action film which has little to nothing original to offer the audience. I’d recommend checking it out if you’re bored or something, but don’t invest too much money in the thing and certainly don’t be angry if you didn’t like the flick. I mean, you have been warned, after all.
Grade: D+
Zodiac (2007) – Review
There were a lot of famous serial killers in the 20th century, many of which inspired movies and documentaries (such as Ed Gein, who inspired “Psycho” and “Silence of the Lambs”), but few were as intense, complex, long-lasting and all around fascinating as the Zodiac murders from the early 1970’s. The Zodiac murders inspired many movies and books (such as “Dirty Harry”), but there had never been a truly well-done retelling of the events behind the scenes until now. The film “Zodiac” is a marvelous and dark look at the investigation behind the Zodiac case in all its frustrating, soul-crushing, heart-stopping glory. It’s been a long time since a murder-mystery film has latched onto my attention and sucked me in from start to finish like “Zodiac” did.
In 1969, after the murder of a young woman, the San Francisco Chronicle began receiving threatening letters from the culprit, a serial killer calling himself “the Zodiac”. Enclosed with each letter was a bizarre cipher which presumably hinted at the Zodiac’s motives or state of mind. The Chronicle’s cartoonist, Robert Graysmith (Jake Gyllenhaal), is quite talented at puzzles and proceeds to decipher the Zodiac’s code. As the murders and letters continue, Inspectors David Toschi (Mark Ruffalo) and William Armstrong (Anthony Edwards) become mired in the bizarre and frustrating effort to find the killer’s identity and bring him to justice. The search seems futile as years pass and results thin out to nothing, yet as more time goes by more clues surface and the identity of the Zodiac may be just within reach.
First let me say, the trailers for this film stink. The first half of the theatrical trailer presents the film as a run-of-the-mill slasher flick, while the second half makes it look like it’s some sort of dark comedy. Pay no attention to those trailers, they were pieced together by imbeciles at Warner’s marketing department.
No, “Zodiac” is no horror movie (though it is rather frightening) and is certainly not a laugh-out-loud comedy. It’s a mystery-suspense flick which pits the audience on the side of the journalists and detectives struggling to identify the Zodiac. As the movie progresses you get caught up in their search; you get just as frustrated when leads don’t work out, just as angry when evidence comes up short and just as disappointed when all the suspicions prove incorrect as the characters in this film.
The movie takes you back in time and throws you into the maelstrom of news as it happens. For those of you who lived through the Zodiac insanity when it actually happened, this is as close as you’ll get to reliving it. The movie progresses chronologically, so there’s no skipping back and forth. As a result of this, the players are presented with what feels like uneven amounts of screentime. For example, at the beginning of the Zodiac case, the main character of the film, Graysmith, feels more like a back-up character supporting the Chronicle’s star reporter, Paul Avery (Robert Downey Jr.). Then, when the Zodiac killings really fire up, the movie focuses a great deal of time on the two inspectors, leaving Graysmith and Avery with hardly any screentime at all due to their actual irrelevance during this period of time. Then, when the investigation seems to end, Graysmith takes on the starring role and reawakens the case while Avery slips away into obscurity. Although this does seem rather uneven it maintains the reality of the ordeal and doesn’t pad out the film with fluff involving certain characters who did nothing of note for a few years. Every minute of this movie is important and director David Fincher doesn’t waste any of the audience’s time. I had to pee for the last hour of the flick but was too fascinated with the story to risk getting up for a second.
The acting and direction of the film leave little to complain about. There’s no over-bearing star power which detracts from the story and the atmosphere is quite spooky (major kudos on “the basement scene”). It’s a period piece and 1970’s San Francisco is brought to life especially well. Even the Paramount opening credit is the vintage 1970’s version. I suppose the only kind of “off” choice of casting was John Carroll Lynch as suspect Arthur Leigh Allen. He was fine in the movie but every time I see that guy all I can think about is the Drew Carey Show where he played a cross-dresser. But that’s probably just me and likely won’t distract anyone else in the audience.
“Zodiac” is without question the best movie I have seen this year and I’m sure will remain in my Top Five by the time December rolls around. It’s just that good. I couldn’t recommend it more.
Grade: A