VH1 is pretty much the last place you’d ever look, if intelligence is what you’re seeking on your TV screen. Somehow, the network that used to be devoted to music videos 24/7 has turned into a home for the most wretched, depraved reality shows in the world, which at best highlight the inane lifestyles of the rich and famous, and at worst, parade around one brainless, bikini-wearing bimbo after another. Face it: the V and the H might as well stand for vapid hussies.
So it came as a surprise to me today to hear that VH1 is completely reworking its entire lineup of shows by launching no less than 44 new ones. I had high hopes at first, especially upon hearing that Flavor Flave and Bret Michaels would no longer have VH1 shows to feed their libidos. But I’m sad to say that a close inspection of the network’s list of new shows does little to inspire confidence.
Among the highlights:
- You’re Cut Off: 9 spoiled girls are forced to stop abusing credit cards. VH1 has nicknamed it “spoiled rotten rehab,” which conjures all sorts of mental images about the tantrums that are sure to ensue.
- My Big Friggin’ Wedding: 5 couples cause excessive, thoroughly unnecessary drama as they try to throw the “wildest weddings anyone has ever seen” complete with “smoke machines and lasers” and “a bride that wants to be lowered from the ceiling.”
- Estranged with Dr. Drew: Dr. Drew Pinsky continues to whore out his Ph.D, this time to couples facing relationship meltdown. The doomed duos are forced to undergo “an intense and focused process that takes place over the course of a day.” God help them.
- The OCD Project: Patients suffering from obsessive compulsive disorder are exploited for your entertainment.
- Diary of a Hip Hop Girlfriend: Good grief, do I even need to describe this for you?
Vh1, we implore you: make the madness stop. Or, just acknowledge that you’re trying to morph into a pay-per-view porn network and be done with it.